Dear Emma,
You’ve just returned home from a bustling day in sixth grade. You burst through the door, eager to slip into your pajamas, savor some pizza (a sentiment I share every afternoon), and FaceTime with your friends. As I observe you surrounded by your close-knit group, reveling in sleepovers, sports games, and hours of laughter, I can’t help but wish for you to cherish these moments for as long as possible.
Throughout high school and into college, nurture your old friendships while also welcoming new ones. Explore new experiences, travel, and revel in late-night conversations about your aspirations and dreams. Be there for each other during heartbreaks and support one another when the pressures of work, school, and adulthood become daunting.
Most importantly, please don’t rush into settling down, searching for “the one,” or starting a family. Forget the notion that there’s a cutoff age for achieving certain milestones or that others will judge you for taking your time. Allow yourself the freedom to explore life before you make any lifelong commitments.
I urge you to consider living independently for a while before diving into that next chapter. This is a gift I hope you’ll give yourself, even if you fall head over heels at a young age.
My motivation for sharing this isn’t born from my own experience of hastily jumping into marriage, mortgages, and family life, but rather from the value of the time I spent alone. I lived solo for over three years before your dad moved in with me (an arrangement I highly recommend, but we can discuss that later). That period was transformative. I have no regrets and cherish those days fondly.
Living alone grants you the opportunity to discover who you truly are and what you want in life. The solitude can be blissful, helping you distinguish between what enriches your life and what doesn’t. You’ll learn to set boundaries, swiftly recognizing and eliminating toxic relationships.
During that time, I learned to manage my own finances—like maintaining the car I paid for each month. It’s remarkable how you value something when it comes directly from your hard work. I opened my own checking account, where I made deposits solely depending on my own efforts. You quickly grasp the importance of budgeting for essentials, be it cable or those trendy shoes. With no one else to rely on, you cultivate a sense of gratitude for your job and work diligently for what you desire.
You’ll discover the art of self-dialogue, becoming comfortable with your thoughts. Yes, sometimes it may feel lonely, but it teaches you how to find happiness within yourself. You’ll learn to embrace your individuality, even if that means dancing in your living room while snacking on Cheetos.
The luxury of having your own bathroom after sharing with siblings or dorm mates is unparalleled. You won’t feel rushed, your belongings remain untouched, and you can keep your space as you wish.
Becoming independent fosters strength, as you take charge of your situation and tackle challenges head-on. While seeking help is always an option—believe me, I’ve asked for plenty—you’ll also develop the skills to make wise decisions, assess needs versus wants, and sometimes, that means figuring things out solo at 2 a.m. Each challenge you conquer alone builds your confidence and resilience, reinforcing the notion that you are more than capable. You can do anything.
While I won’t dictate your path, I sincerely hope you heed this advice. Trust me, you won’t regret it. And don’t forget to invite me over occasionally—I’d love to relive those carefree days of dancing and indulging in snacks with you.