As a Recently Divorced Woman, I Wish My Married Friends Would Stop Acting So Different Around Me

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I noticed the way you quickly shifted topics when Valentine’s Day was mentioned. I saw how you subtly distanced yourself from your husband as soon as I walked in. And I realized you’ve stopped sharing your marriage challenges with me.

Divorce has far-reaching effects that go beyond losing a significant partner. It brings financial instability, future uncertainties, and an identity crisis. This isn’t the life I envisioned for myself. Yet, one unexpected consequence has been the growing distance between us. I never anticipated that our friendship would change so suddenly and subtly. It’s as if, when I’m with other moms, I’m an outsider, navigating a world where an unspoken rule suggests I need a partner to feel whole.

I didn’t foresee being the subject of pity, gossip, or discomfort. But perhaps I should have. Years ago, I had a close friend who had recently gone through a divorce. We shared everything—children, intimacy, finances, faith. However, one topic was off-limits: my marriage, particularly its flaws. I convinced myself I was protecting her from additional pain, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

But honestly, it was about my own fears. I was terrified that discussing my issues might lead her to encourage me to consider divorce. What if I admitted that separation was a possibility? I felt as though my friend was a harbinger of doom, and I feared that proximity to her might lead me down a similar dark path.

It’s difficult to admit now, but I once regarded divorce as something contagious, something I might accidentally catch.

Now that I’ve been through it, I want my friends to understand this: I get the hesitance, the awkwardness, and the reluctance to share. I don’t expect you to act differently. I won’t ask you to revert to how things used to be, just as you wouldn’t want me to return to my former self.

But please hear me: I don’t want you to join my “club.” In fact, I genuinely wish for your marriage to flourish. Your happiness and longevity with your partner are what I truly desire. If you confide in me, I promise to keep your secrets safe. Should you share your marital struggles, I won’t push you toward divorce. Instead, I might offer insights on setting boundaries or encourage you to prioritize your own well-being—reminders that are beneficial for everyone, not just those contemplating separation. I will listen without judgment and cheer for your resolution.

In fact, I hope my experience serves as a motivation for you to strengthen your marriage. Let my story be a cautionary tale that prompts you to seek help before it’s too late. If there are issues brewing beneath the surface, don’t wait for the situation to deteriorate. I want my divorce to propel you toward therapy sooner rather than later.

And if your union is solid, let my journey inspire you to cherish your partner even more. Hold your spouse close, appreciate the little things, and soak up those joyful moments. I want you to relish your happiness on my behalf—that would truly bring me joy.

If you find it difficult to connect with me, to be open, or to stand close, know that I will be okay. In the absence of certain friendships, I’m finding new connections.

Recently, I reconnected with an old friend who had distanced herself because she thought I was blissfully happy, that my marriage was perfect. Her own marriage was troubled, and she felt out of place around seemingly content couples. When she learned of my divorce, she reached out, hoping I could be a source of empathy and support. If it weren’t for my divorce, I might never have understood her struggles or had the chance to share the hope and strength I’ve found.

So, married friends, if you feel the need to pull away or hide aspects of yourselves around me, please know there are no hard feelings. Out of this chaos, something new is taking shape. It’s not what I wanted, but in many ways, it’s become something even better.

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In summary, as I navigate my new reality, I encourage my married friends to embrace their relationships fully, and to remember that sharing and connecting is still possible despite our differences.

Keyphrase: Navigating friendships after divorce

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