I recently received a call from a family member inquiring about the toys my children are currently interested in. I found myself at a loss for words. “My kids don’t really play with toys,” I finally admitted.
Internally, I was in a full-blown panic (Please, for the love of all that’s holy, do not buy any more toys for my kids). My home resembles a scene from Hoarders: Toy Edition, and if I have to find space for another toy, I might just lose it—starting with the decapitated action figures and assorted fast-food trinkets that I trip over at night.
Of course, these are toys that hardly get played with. The relative was taken aback and expressed frustration that I couldn’t provide any suggestions for gifts. Do my kids like toys? Well, for a fleeting moment, yes. Do they actually engage with them? Not really.
We have a handful of favorites like Legos, light sabers, and an overflowing collection of dress-up costumes. But my kids, aged 10, 8, and 5, would rather indulge in screen time, bounce on the trampoline, or enjoy the great outdoors with friends. They seldom retreat to their rooms to play with the multitude of toys we already own.
So, I’m pleading with you: please don’t buy my kids more toys. I genuinely beg you. I spend hours sifting through toy bins and organizing things to donate. My children don’t even notice their absence. They may grumble for a moment, but I’ve never once heard them lament, “I really miss that purple squishy ball Grandma got me back in 2010.”
It appears that the previous generation is clinging to the outdated notion that kids absolutely need toys as much as they think they do—kind of like how I need a trip to the grocery store with all three of my children on a Saturday. In reality, they don’t need them at all.
I often reflect on the years my mother held onto our toys, hoping to pass them down to us. Do I feel nostalgic about my childhood belongings? Occasionally, but when I see those nostalgic Buzzfeed articles showcasing toys from my past, I don’t wish I had them back.
I worry my kids might resent me one day for donating items like the enormous truck they begged for while I was shopping for clothes at a store. For an entire week, my 4-year-old raved about how this truck would change his life. So, I went back and bought it when he wasn’t with me, saving it for Christmas. When he opened it, he showed the appropriate enthusiasm for a child his age, and now I curse that giant truck, which just gathers dust in our already overstuffed toy box.
You see, when I hear the dreaded, “I’m bored,” I suggest some of those toys they once couldn’t live without and remind them they are still there, waiting to be played with. “Go play with your fire truck!” I might cheerfully suggest, only to be met with blank stares as they struggle to recall which toy I’m even talking about. “You know, the one from Santa last year?” Nothing. “The one with the moving parts?” Finally, a spark of recognition as he mutters, “No. I don’t like that truck anymore.” And just like that, I’m reminded why kids can be so exasperating.
But they’re not truly the problem—they are just absorbing the message from adults around them that acquiring toys (or other material possessions) is the ultimate goal. Honestly, I’m tired of perpetuating this myth. And I’m equally tired of my home resembling a colossal landfill for forgotten toys.
Invest in Experiences
Let me offer some advice: instead of toys, spend time with them. Take them out for ice cream, a trip to the zoo, or even a stroll in the local park. They will cherish those moments far more than any toy, and they’ll remember them longer, I promise.
If you’re determined to give a tangible gift, consider a book that you loved as a child. Write down your favorite memory about it inside the cover. Then, read it to them after they unwrap it. You can never have too many books.
Invest in experiences. My kids adore trips to the zoo and museums. They thrive in community education classes and music lessons. Nurture their interests and encourage them to explore the world instead of accumulating more stuff. Bonus points if you join them in these activities! But even if you can’t, I’ll be sure to remind them of the thoughtful gift—like that karate class you provided—and they will appreciate your consideration.
In reality, none of us need more “stuff.” Of course, there are people who are less fortunate, but my kids are not among them. I’m trying to teach them the importance of gratitude for what they have, but it becomes challenging when they’re constantly showered with toys by relatives.
So, please, refrain from showering my kids with the latest gadget or toy in hopes of creating a bond. It won’t work. I assure you that spending time with them—watching them play outside or taking them to an art class—will forge a much stronger connection. I refuse to buy a larger house just to accommodate one more oversized toy that will be forgotten within a week.
This article was originally published on April 8, 2018.
In Summary
Rather than adding to the pile of toys that often go unplayed with, consider gifting experiences or meaningful items like books. Engaging with children through shared activities fosters lasting memories and strengthens bonds far more effectively than toys ever could.
Keyphrase: alternative gifts for kids
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