Updated: Oct. 31, 2019
Originally Published: April 7, 2018
Image Credit: skynesher/Getty
When dining out, the reactions from waitstaff can vary widely. “I’d like a cheeseburger and fries,” my six-year-old declares to me.
“Why don’t you tell the waiter that yourself?” I encourage, gesturing towards the server, who is likely torn between finding it adorable or being slightly annoyed by this little exchange. “And remember to say it nicely.”
With a deep breath, my son confidently approaches, “I’ll take a cheeseburger and fries, please. With ketchup. And a Sprite.”
I insist that my children order for themselves, even my four-year-old. This isn’t driven by a desire to showcase their cuteness; it’s about teaching them the essential skill of speaking up. It’s a small yet significant step.
As they venture out into the world, my children are gradually leaving the comfort of home, where everything is neatly arranged and predictable. There’s a common complaint about younger generations—that they struggle to handle their affairs independently. Adults often have to step in, whether it’s contacting a professor about a grade or tagging along to job interviews. This is unacceptable, and a change is necessary. We must instill self-reliance in our children, and it starts now.
That’s why I encourage my kids to place their own orders. I also send them to the counter at fast-food spots, with my youngest holding hands with the eldest, to fetch their ice cream cones. They learn important social skills like waiting in line, being polite, and interacting with others. People often react in two ways: either they’re concerned about the children’s safety or they’re genuinely impressed by their determination to adhere to the social norms we’ve set.
I also make them ask for playdates themselves. Sure, they come to me first, but then they must approach their friends’ parents to arrange the details. They are encouraged to be polite, to stand tall, and to accept a “no” gracefully, perhaps with a backup option in mind. When asked about anything that requires interaction, they’re expected to engage—whether it’s asking about fishing lures in a store or responding to compliments from strangers. This practice fosters not just confidence but also an appreciation for human connection.
If they were in a traditional school setting, they would communicate directly with their teachers. I know from experience how often educators feel compelled to contact parents over minor issues. This shouldn’t be the norm. Kids must learn to tackle their own challenges. When I was in high school, if there was a disagreement over a grade, my peers and I approached teachers directly without involving our parents.
My goal is for my children to navigate the world independently—not because I lack concern but because I recognize the realities of life. I can’t manage their finances or handle their issues with customer service. It’s vital they learn how to do this themselves.
They order their own meals, pay for their toys using their hard-earned allowance, and yes, if you’re behind us in line, you might need to wait while my six-year-old counts out his coins. They are learning to take responsibility for their needs, scanning barcodes at self-checkout, bagging their items, and even carrying their own library books (well, I do help with the four-year-old’s).
When it comes time to interact with adults, I hope they possess the confidence to do so on their own, without my interference. They are becoming adults, and they need to learn how to engage with the world.
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In summary, empowering our kids to communicate effectively and handle their own affairs is crucial in preparing them for the challenges of adulthood. By encouraging self-advocacy, we pave the way for their independence and confidence in a complex world.
Keyphrase: empowering kids to communicate independently
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