As a parent, I strive to cultivate kindness in my daughter, especially in a world that often seems dominated by meanness. I don’t dwell on past mistakes or regrets, particularly those from my childhood when I was simply trying to navigate a tumultuous social landscape. Instead, I view those experiences as valuable lessons that can inform my parenting today. My aim is to raise children who are braver and more compassionate than I was.
Reflecting on my early years, I was the quintessential “good girl.” I vividly recall the moment my first-grade teacher scolded me for helping a classmate, Lisa, with her math problems. Though my intentions were pure, the experience left me feeling ashamed for momentarily stepping out of line. Throughout my school days, I was diligent with my studies and compliant with authority. However, my adherence to rules extended beyond academics; I also followed the social hierarchies that dictated who was in and who was out.
I was never the instigator of unkindness, but I often stood by as my peers bullied students who were different—those who wore second-hand clothes or struggled to fit in. I watched as the popular kids mocked Amelia for her appearance, and instead of intervening, I prioritized my own safety within the social structure.
Now, as a parent, I regularly engage my children in conversations about kindness. I ask them if they experience kindness from others and whether they are kind themselves. I emphasize the importance of empathy and encourage them to consider what it feels like for someone to be left out. By discussing the value of friendship and the emotional toll of loneliness, I hope to instill a sense of responsibility in them.
Fortunately, schools today are increasingly focused on fostering kindness. My children’s school is currently exploring the themes in the book Wonder, which promotes compassion, and they participate in weekly activities centered around kindness. In their previous school, the curriculum emphasized leadership skills, which included standing up against bullying and supporting peers. I appreciate having such resources to draw from as I guide my children toward being more empathetic.
However, it’s not sufficient to merely instruct them to avoid bullying. We must encourage them to be “upstanders,” those who recognize wrongdoing and act to rectify it. According to The Bully Project, an upstander speaks out against bullying and supports those being harmed. In many ways, being an upstander is synonymous with social responsibility.
The reality is that simply being a bystander is not much different from being complicit. It requires no bravery to stand on the sidelines. True courage comes from reaching out to a classmate who is alone or offering a kind word to someone in need. These are the actions that can create real change in their circles.
I can’t guarantee that my children will have the courage to stand up when it matters, as that is not something easily taught. However, I can certainly encourage discussions about what it means to be genuinely kind in today’s world.
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In summary, my goal as a parent is to raise a daughter who embodies kindness and bravery. By fostering open conversations about empathy and encouraging her to support those who are marginalized, I am hopeful she will navigate the complexities of social dynamics with grace.
Keyphrase: Raising Kind Children in a Mean World
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