When we embark on the journey of motherhood, we’re often prepared for the physical changes, the sleepless nights, and the myriad of diaper changes. We hear about car seat safety and how our bodies will never quite be the same after breastfeeding. Yet, there’s a different kind of guilt that isn’t discussed nearly enough. Why did no one mention the overwhelming feelings of guilt that accompany being a mom?
There’s the “working mom guilt,” the “I have too many kids and can’t give them all the attention guilt,” the “I only have one child and he doesn’t have a sibling guilt,” and even the “why am I not more fun? guilt.” It feels like an endless cycle. As our children grow, new forms of guilt seem to emerge around every corner. Thanks, motherhood!
Right now, I find myself battling “I’m finally focusing on my own life guilt.” It’s a tough pill to swallow. While pursuing something I love is invigorating, the guilt feels like tiny daggers to my heart throughout the day.
I often feel remorseful that my oldest child experienced a different version of me compared to my youngest. For the five years leading up to kindergarten, my firstborn had a mom who was desperately seeking social interaction, leading us to countless playdates at parks and coffee shops. I was fully committed to the stay-at-home mom lifestyle—crafts, educational TV, and nature walks were my daily routine.
I had envisioned motherhood as a fulfilling experience, but more often than not, I felt a sense of emptiness. The guilt of not loving motherhood as much as I thought I would was overwhelming. Even though I was physically present for every moment, I still experienced guilt.
When my daughter was born, I began to evolve. One day, I discovered that some people enjoyed reading my writing, which sparked something inside me. The realization that I could focus on something beyond changing diapers was liberating. I began to feel a sense of purpose that motherhood alone hadn’t provided.
Despite my new passion for writing, I continued the playdates and park visits for a while. By the time my third child arrived, I was no longer just a stay-at-home mom; I had transformed into a work-from-home mom. My youngest child has never known the version of me that my oldest grew up with. He sees a mom who is busy writing rather than volunteering at school or organizing playdates. He often entertains himself while I work, watching cartoons or playing on the iPad.
I still make time for outings, but they’ve become less frequent. My youngest receives shorter amounts of my quality time now. Yes, guilt lingers. But alongside it, I also feel a profound sense of fulfillment. I feel important and valued in my work, which is something that motherhood alone didn’t fill.
I appreciated the early days filled with playdates and conversations about diaper rashes. Those moments were crucial for me then. But as I delved deeper into motherhood, I realized I needed more. Choosing to embrace this new identity meant showing my children what a working mother looks like and teaching them the importance of self-care.
At the end of each day, I reflect on the time spent with my kids, especially my youngest, who is home with me for part of the day. Did I do enough? Was I present enough? When the answer is no, I promise to do better the next day. Often, I set aside my work for a nature walk or a game of CandyLand.
I strive to balance my role as a mother and a professional, demonstrating to my children that caring for oneself is essential too.
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In summary, motherhood is filled with complexities and unspoken feelings of guilt, but it also opens doors to self-discovery and fulfillment. By embracing both roles, mothers can nurture their own identity while caring for their children.
Keyphrase: motherhood guilt
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