“My stomach hurts.”
“I just can’t sleep.”
“Can you check my closet?”
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
Does this sound familiar? You’re definitely not alone—and your child isn’t either. Every child experiences moments of anxiety, whether it’s when leaving their parents, meeting new people, or attending a sleepover for the first time. While many toddlers or young kids outgrow these phases, some continue to struggle, leading to sleepless nights and anxiety that lingers into their school years. I wish I had recognized this earlier. It’s easy to dismiss tantrums and fears of the dark as typical childhood behavior.
It took a long time for me to realize that something was genuinely wrong. We faced countless sleepless nights, and my daughter, Emma, seemed to be in a constant state of distress. It was especially concerning since I knew kids typically don’t spend years fighting to sleep alone in their own beds. But that’s precisely what Emma did.
Research shows that around 12% of children experience separation anxiety disorder before the age of 18. While this isn’t a massive percentage, it’s significant enough to warrant attention and discussion. Parents often know the signs of physical illness, but there’s little available information on anxiety disorders. I wish I had understood the signs sooner, but I felt isolated as all my friends had children who occasionally struggled with sleep.
When I was traveling for work, Emma’s distress escalated. Each time I left, it felt unbearable. Phone calls home were met with sobs of “Come home, Mommy; please come home,” which shattered my heart. My partner, Mark, found this situation equally challenging, dealing with Emma’s tantrums and stomachaches while trying to get her ready for school. I often comforted myself with the thought, “This too shall pass.”
Everything changed when her kindergarten teacher mentioned that Emma’s tummy aches had vanished when I was home. This revelation highlighted her distress, which stemmed from fears that I might get hurt while traveling. Emma lacked the words to express her feelings, and we hadn’t asked the right questions.
Gradually, as I spent more time at home, Emma began to feel safer and more secure. While she initially thrived, things took a turn. Emma began declining playdates, insisting on one-on-one interactions. She described feeling like a prisoner at school and needing to know the day’s plans, with any changes triggering intense tantrums.
Then, after years of sleeping soundly in her own room, she suddenly stopped. Initially, we thought it was just a bad dream, but the sleepless nights persisted. Emma’s vivid imagination fueled her fears: What if there was a fire? What if someone broke in? These thoughts kept her awake, and soon she was having panic attacks about school.
Recognizing the severity of the situation, we sought help from a counselor. However, Emma’s stomachaches returned, and her anxiety grew. Mark struggled to comprehend the reality of Emma’s fears, leading to more stress at home.
Our attempts to reason with her were futile. In desperation, we allowed Emma to sleep with us, which only resulted in restless nights for everyone. Eventually, we consulted another counselor who suggested placing an extra bed in Emma’s room, allowing one of us to sleep there initially. This approach helped her regain some independence.
As Emma adjusted, we attempted a gradual approach to help her feel secure. After our nightly calming rituals, one of us would sit in a chair in her room, then gradually move further away until we were back in our own room.
Our counselor encouraged Emma to articulate her fears and explore them. This process was challenging for her due to the anxiety that made it difficult to express herself. We learned to tackle her “What Ifs” together. For instance, if she feared a fire, we’d discuss the reality of the situation, helping her realize that the likelihood was minimal.
Another effective strategy involved having Emma visualize her fears, drawing them, and giving them names, which helped to distance her from the anxiety. We even incorporated humor to make confronting her fears less daunting.
Additionally, our therapist recorded a calming meditation in her voice, which Emma played on tough nights. Gradually, as Emma gained confidence, she established her own goals for sleeping alone, leading to a reward system that empowered her.
Through determination and support, Emma learned to confront her fears and eventually even enjoyed a successful sleepover again. Just recently, she returned from a three-week service trip with strangers—an incredible achievement.
In conclusion, addressing childhood sleep issues can be complex, but understanding the underlying anxiety is crucial. For those navigating similar challenges, resources like this one can provide further assistance. And for a comprehensive guide on fertility treatment, check out this excellent resource.
Keyphrase: Understanding Child Sleep Issues
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