Parenting
By Emma Thompson
Updated: Aug. 15, 2023
Originally Published: March 16, 2023
It’s a question I often hear: “Are you planning to have more children?” This inquiry is common, especially when strangers spot just one child accompanying me. However, it’s usually the comment that follows that tugs at my heartstrings. A seemingly innocent remark that many don’t realize can be quite hurtful: “You really should have more kids. Your daughter can’t be an only child!”
Is there something inherently wrong with having just one child? At first glance, we appear to be your typical family of three. Our laughter and smiles radiate a picture-perfect image. But if you delve deeper, you’ll discover a story filled with years of struggles, including infertility, heartbreak from losing a child, and the anxieties that followed a premature birth. This background is why I wish people would refrain from asking if my husband and I plan on expanding our family.
From a young age, I envisioned myself as a mother, often dreaming of a life with two children, a loving partner, a dog, and a charming house with a white picket fence. However, life doesn’t always follow the script we write. My husband and I endured the painful journey of infertility, month after month filled with hope, only to be met with disappointment. It felt like life was playing a cruel game. Why was it that two people who longed for children could not conceive?
Our struggle turned to joy when we discovered we were expecting triplets. Finally, it seemed our family would be whole. We eagerly prepared for their arrival, stocking up on diapers and baby gear. Yet, our joy turned to despair when, five months into my pregnancy, I unexpectedly went into labor. Our three babies were born more than 17 weeks premature.
Nothing can truly prepare you for the devastating loss of a child. It’s a tragedy that feels unreal, something you never think will happen to you. Within a couple of months, we lost two of our triplets. In those early days, the weight of grief felt unbearable, and some mornings, getting out of bed was a monumental task.
As the reality of our situation set in, I grappled with what people would say. After the loss of our first daughter, I found myself worrying about how strangers would perceive our family. Would they think my surviving child was a twin? Two months later, when our son passed away, I was plagued with similar thoughts. How would others view our surviving child? Would our two little ones in heaven be forgotten?
After numerous therapies and medical appointments, our surviving triplet is now thriving and healthy. What once felt like a fragile beginning is now a distant memory. As we navigate life with our one child here and two in Heaven, my husband and I have found peace. We are content and do not dwell on “what ifs.”
Recently, while shopping, a stranger complimented my daughter before asking the dreaded question, “Are you going to have more kids?” Despite knowing she meant well, the question made me uncomfortable. I responded graciously, explaining that we are perfectly happy with our miracle girl. That’s when I heard the comment I’ve come to detest: “She can’t be an only child.”
I managed a smile through the tears welling in my eyes. After a deep breath, I replied, “She’s not. She has a brother and sister in Heaven who love her dearly.” As I walked away, I looked at my daughter. To most, she may seem like our only child, but she will always be a triplet. Our family isn’t defined by the number of children we have here on earth; we are complete just as we are.
For those navigating similar journeys, you might find helpful information about boosting fertility in our other blog post about fertility supplements. Also, consider exploring options like the at-home insemination kit, which is an authority on this topic. Additionally, for more insights on pregnancy, check out this excellent resource from Healthline.
In summary, while our family may appear typical to outsiders, there’s a rich and complex story beneath the surface. We are happy with our one visible child, who carries the love of her siblings in Heaven with her every day.
Keyphrase: Understanding Only Child Families
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