Recently, during a hectic morning, my son, Jake, lazily opened the silverware drawer at 8:58 a.m. to get ready for breakfast, despite my multiple reminders that we were leaving at 9 a.m. sharp. After just a glance at him, I completely lost it for a solid five minutes.
Jake told me I needed to calm down and opted to skip breakfast, staring at the floor in a huff. But honestly, I was beyond caring what he thought at that moment. Just an hour before, while he was engrossed in an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, I had already reminded him—twice—about our departure time and urged him to make his breakfast. He assured me he would. Then, twenty minutes later, as I was finishing my own meal and heading upstairs to prepare, I reminded him again in a tone that was less than serene.
I returned two minutes before we were due to leave, only to see him spring into action to make his breakfast. “No way,” I said. “You’ve had an hour, Jake. I’ve told you too many times. We don’t have time for this.” At fourteen and towering over six feet, I couldn’t physically make him eat, but I could enforce consequences if he didn’t follow directives.
“It will just take a second,” he insisted. But I knew better; after years of experience, I recognized that “just a second” for him usually meant a small eternity. He’s a clumsy teenager who manages to trip over air and spill something every few moments, so nothing happens quickly. Plus, I dreaded the inevitable mess he would leave behind.
When he finally opened the silverware drawer, I gripped the doorknob so tightly that I nearly broke it. “Get your coat and get out the door—we are leaving now!” Yes, I was raising my voice. Yes, he wondered why I always had to go off the deep end over such small matters. That only fueled my frustration.
While I sometimes feel guilty after these outbursts, it seems to be the only way my kids understand I mean business. Jake and I have been playing this game since his toddler years, and my other two kids aren’t innocent either when it comes to pushing my buttons. It’s as if they think, “Mom doesn’t seem too upset yet; I can keep ignoring her.” They wait for that moment when my patience runs out.
The problem is, all they witness is a mom who reacts more intensely than they think is warranted to simple requests like clearing the table or getting out the door. They overlook the countless reminders and conversations that came before. They claim it’s unfair that I lose my cool so quickly, but what’s truly unfair is that moms everywhere often have to resort to shouting to gain their kids’ attention.
I try my best to remain calm, but my kids have an uncanny ability to push me to my limits. It seems counterintuitive—wouldn’t it be easier for them to listen the first time? Yet, they continue to test my resolve, and I can’t help but wonder if they actually enjoy the challenge.
However, I discovered a technique that has made a significant difference. No one wants to start their day with a sore throat from yelling at their kids to get in the car. Just the other day, Jake asked me to drive him to a friend’s house, and timing was crucial as they were meeting others at the skate park. I was distracted, scrolling through Instagram, and we were running late. As he stood impatiently by the door, I could sense his frustration building.
When he expressed his anger, I asked how he felt. “I’m anxious and really mad at you. Why are you being so mean?” I explained that I wasn’t trying to be mean; I wanted him to understand the frustration I experience when trying to get him out the door on time. “If you can be prompt for me, I’ll make sure to be prompt for you. Deal?”
There’s nothing like a furious teenager worried about being late to meet friends! This new understanding has improved our mornings significantly, and our days are much more peaceful.
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Summary
Parenting often leads to moments of frustration, especially when kids ignore repeated reminders. The struggle between wanting to maintain calm and the reality of feeling overwhelmed is a common experience for moms. Through effective communication and understanding, it’s possible to foster better relationships with our children while navigating the daily challenges of family life.
Keyphrase: Moms Losing Patience
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