Long before I became a parent, I was a young gay child. It all started in kindergarten when I developed my first crush on our student teacher from a nearby college. I was utterly enchanted, and when she departed at the semester’s end, I felt a heartache I had never known before. Although I could barely spell, I recognized something significant about my feelings: I was gay.
I may not have grasped the full meaning of “gay” back then, but I understood that my affection for another girl was distinct. Unfortunately, those feelings were also accompanied by confusion and a sense of wrongness. I knew I couldn’t share this part of myself with anyone. Society taught me that girls liked boys, boys liked girls, and eventually, they got married.
Navigating through 13 years of schooling, I immersed myself in sports and academics, striving for acceptance. While I met plenty of remarkable people, none offered me the safe space to be open about my sexuality. My family, influenced by church teachings and societal prejudices, was far from supportive. I often heard derogatory jokes about “faggots” and “queers” and was aware of the disdain directed at our suspected gay neighbors. I internalized the belief that my feelings were sinful.
I carried this heavy, shameful secret for far too long, terrified that revealing my true self would cost me friendships and respect. It was a painful way to grow up, filled with fear and sorrow—feelings no child should have to endure.
Fast forward 33 years since my kindergarten days: while there have been improvements, much work remains. Technological advancements have outpaced the evolution of human empathy. I’ve been able to use voice commands on my phone longer than I’ve enjoyed the benefits of marriage or parental rights in the U.S. Sadly, many kids still grapple with coming out as gay, lesbian, or transgender, and those who do often face bullying that can lead to tragic outcomes.
As mothers, we cannot shield our children from every disappointment or negative experience, but we can create a nurturing, loving environment at home. Some of you may have gay children, whether they or you recognize it yet. I urge you to cultivate an atmosphere where your child feels safe exploring their identity.
I’m not suggesting that you wrap your baby in a rainbow flag—though that would be delightful—or force your son to wear pink. What I am advocating for is open communication. Encourage your children to share their thoughts and feelings with you. Celebrate the courage of your LGBTQ+ friends and family. Read books that showcase diverse family structures, including those with same-sex parents. Assure your children that your love is unconditional, no matter who they are or who they love.
If this seems daunting, ponder these two questions: When your child gives you a hug or flashes a smile—assuming they haven’t just done something to drive you to consider taking a spontaneous vacation—embrace them tighter. Allow yourself to feel the love and pride swelling in your heart. Would that feeling diminish if you discovered your child was gay?
What if your child came to you in need of comfort after facing distress, again assuming they haven’t recently tested your patience? Would you deny them solace simply because they might identify as gay?
Every child deserves love and support, regardless of their sexual orientation. They face enough challenges without having to fend off rejection from their families. You tolerate coworkers and distant relatives; don’t just tolerate your child or their friends if they come out as gay—accept and love them for exactly who they are. Provide them with the foundation to embrace themselves fully.
One of our essential roles as parents is to foster confidence in our children. Confidence is rooted in happiness, and that happiness should start at home.
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In summary, as parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children’s self-acceptance and confidence. Embracing and loving them, regardless of their sexual orientation, sets the stage for a more supportive and understanding world.