Before I even embarked on the journey of motherhood, I envisioned having a baby who would happily be held by anyone. I thought she would be the type to thrive in social settings without a hint of stranger anxiety. How naive I was, not only as a first-time parent but also as my daughter’s advocate.
When my daughter, whom I’ll call Lily, was just 10 weeks old, we attended a large family gathering. On that day, she was particularly fussy, so I decided to wear her in a ring sling. Another mother, with her third child around Lily’s age, remarked that I was being an overly protective mom and that I was “coddling” her. While I chuckled at the comments, I also felt a sting because our parenting style is rooted in gentle, calm techniques. At that moment, all I wanted was to enjoy the event with my baby nestled close to me, as she found comfort only against my chest.
Yet, I grappled with a sense of guilt, thinking I was being selfish for not allowing others to hold her. Eventually, I succumbed to peer pressure and passed her around, despite my discomfort and her apparent unease.
Recognizing Lily’s Shyness
By the time Lily turned five months, it became clear she was developing a shyness around others. She would often look away from unfamiliar faces, and when I tried to give her to someone else, she would cry immediately. While I didn’t want to deny loved ones the chance to hold her, my priority was her comfort. The people-pleaser in me often wrestled with the desire to say yes, but I learned that my child’s well-being came first, regardless of labels others might impose.
It became evident that Lily had a natural shyness. Even with family she frequently saw, it took time for her to warm up. Sometimes she only wanted her parents to hold her, and when people got too close, she would become distressed. My husband and I would do our best to soothe her, but the persistent query of “Can I hold her?” would arise again.
Setting Boundaries
I realized I needed to stop forcing her into social situations that made her uncomfortable. While we continue to gently socialize her, I no longer worry about how others perceive my parenting choices. I’m done feeling guilty when she cries in unfamiliar arms, and I won’t apologize for wearing her when she’s tired. I’ve recognized that pushing her too hard only prolongs her discomfort, which is exhausting for both of us.
Empowering Lily
Now that Lily is 18 months old, it’s crucial for her to understand that she has control over her own body. She has every right to express discomfort, whether verbally or through her actions. This doesn’t mean I’ll encourage her to be disrespectful; we still promote interactions with family and friends, but only in ways that make her feel safe — often while sitting in our laps.
Looking back, I chuckle at my pre-baby self who thought the journey of parenting would be simple. The truth is, it’s a delicate balance to nurture loving children while respecting their boundaries. We are committed to helping her grow into a confident woman who values her autonomy and understands that her body is hers alone.
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Conclusion
In summary, as parents, our primary goal is to foster an environment where Lily feels safe and empowered to express her needs. We want her to navigate life confidently, knowing that her choices matter.
Keyphrase: “parenting boundaries”
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