When my first child, Leo, arrived, he had a knack for staying awake for hours unless I was seated on the couch, cradling him like a football. I’m not sure if that technically qualifies as co-sleeping since we weren’t actually in bed, and my makeshift pillow between the bookshelf and the couch wasn’t exactly luxurious. Sure, he was asleep, but my partner, Sarah, and I were not.
We would take turns through those sleepless nights—Sarah would handle the first half, and I would take over for the second. After three months of this exhausting routine, we finally managed to get Leo to sleep lying down, but he showed no interest in the crib. So, we decided to co-sleep. I can’t recall how long this lasted—probably between 9 months and a year—but after those months of struggle, sharing our bed with a fidgety baby felt like sheer bliss.
Interestingly, despite our shared decision, it was Sarah who faced the brunt of judgment from other parents for co-sleeping. I didn’t receive the same scrutiny, even though I fully supported our choice. I remember a conversation with a fellow parent at a community event. He noticed my tiredness and suggested that I should “talk to Sarah about that” and that it “needed to stop.” He then rambled on about letting Leo cry it out.
As a new dad, I listened, but later that day, I couldn’t help but question why this was laid at Sarah’s feet. Why did anyone feel the need to intervene in our parenting choices?
Let’s face it—when someone mentions they’re exhausted and they have a child aged three or under, the appropriate response should be empathy. Consistent sleep with a young child is about as rare as a bill passing in Congress—possible, but not often.
What bothered me most wasn’t the unsolicited advice itself but the implication that it was solely Sarah’s responsibility to fix the situation or that I had the authority to dictate our parenting approach. The truth is, Sarah and I are partners. We may not always see eye to eye, but we work together to find compromises on everything from finances to household chores to how we manage sleep arrangements.
If a child isn’t sleeping, nobody is to blame—not the parents, not the child. Sleep patterns vary significantly among kids; some are natural sleepers while others are not. Blaming a parent for their child’s sleeplessness is akin to blaming gravity for a broken egg.
Now, I know some sleep experts may jump in with their advice, but let’s be real—what parents truly need is support, not judgment. They don’t need advice that may or may not work, nor do they need to shoulder the blame for a child’s restless nights.
Here’s the truth: I have three kids. My youngest is turning four soon. Unless they’re ill, they all sleep through the night. Each child has co-slept for different periods, and when the time felt right, they transitioned out of our bed. For each child, Sarah and I discussed how to best approach nighttime care, arriving at decisions that suited our family.
Parenting is challenging. It can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also make you wish for an escape to the wilderness. I can’t recall a single instance where judgment from another parent made things easier. Instead, we should focus on what works for our families and respect that every child is unique. It’s essential to trust that parents are doing their utmost to help their children sleep.
In the end, what we need is more understanding and less judgment. Parenting is the toughest yet most fulfilling journey I’ve ever embarked on, and navigating it with little sleep only adds to the challenge. Let’s support one another and create a community built on trust and love.
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In summary, co-sleeping is a personal choice and should never be a source of guilt. Parents should focus on what works best for their families without fear of judgment from others.
Keyphrase: Co-sleeping and parenting choices
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