When you become a parent, there are countless unexpected experiences that catch you off guard. I’m not just referring to the typical milestones like the first diaper change or witnessing those adorable first steps. I mean the surprising moments that challenge your pre-parenting ideals. For instance, the first time you use a baby wipe to remove your makeup because exhaustion takes precedence over your skincare routine, or the time breakfast involves handing your kids a box of Fruit Loops to munch on during the morning commute.
When you have a child with special needs, the surprises take on a different dimension. Some are humorous in retrospect, like the time I found myself on a watch list after confronting a particularly rude insurance agent. Others are tinged with sadness, like the moment I broke down in the pantry, overwhelmed by an unexpected wave of hurt.
Today was another one of those moments.
My daughter, who is 15 and has severe autism, attends a small high school in a rural area. I must admit, she’s fortunate to have access to a supportive environment: dedicated teachers, a paraprofessional by her side all day, and even involvement in school activities to the extent that she can manage. Overall, she appears genuinely happy there.
But today, I found myself writing a letter to the school administration, granting them permission to physically restrain her if necessary.
In our country, where sensible gun laws are sorely lacking, the recent surge of attention on school shootings has made me question what would happen if an armed intruder entered her school. What measures would they take to keep her safe? Every child deserves the right to feel secure and unafraid. But what could they realistically do to keep her calm and quiet when chaos erupts around her?
After discussing this with her teacher, the assistant principal, and even the principal, I learned that while they would do everything possible to protect her, the truth remains: restraining my daughter is no simple task. As her mother for the past 15 years, I know firsthand the challenges involved.
Thus, I made the heart-wrenching decision to write a letter, granting the school permission to physically restrain her if it meant protecting her. I placed my trust in their hands, acknowledging that such measures could result in bruises or distress. I explicitly stated, “I grant you permission, even if it means causing her pain. I understand that restraining her could lead to injuries, and I won’t hold the school accountable.”
I put pen to paper, asking them to hurt my child to prevent a more catastrophic harm from befalling her—a stark reality of our world today. My heart aches at the thought, but I felt it was necessary.
It’s certainly a first for me: writing a letter that authorizes someone else to inflict pain on my daughter for her safety.
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In summary, my experience today was a profound reminder of the complexities of parenting a child with special needs in a world fraught with danger.
Keyphrase: permission to restrain child
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