Children being harmed in our schools is simply intolerable. The discussions that follow often become absurd. Many advocate for the #WalkOut movement, and I understand their perspective—our children deserve a safe environment. Others promote the #WalkUp approach, emphasizing inclusion. I see their point as well, but my experiences have shifted my views on this.
As a parent, I’ve always prioritized open communication with my kids. We discuss their friendships and decisions every day. When we moved to a new area, my daughter began to interact with a boy who would greet her whenever we were out. I was the parent who constantly reminded her to “be kind to everyone.” She mentioned that this boy lacked friends, so I told her to “be inclusive.” However, she also noted that he could be disruptive. I encouraged her to “listen to what others have to say,” and she confided that he had difficulties at home. I often reminded her, “Have compassion; you never know what someone else is experiencing.”
Then, I received a call from the school counselor. The conversation began, “This is the school counselor, and I’m calling about your daughter. Everything is okay…” My heart raced. I’d never been contacted about my child misbehaving. The counselor continued, “Some students mentioned a child who has been showing interest in your daughter.” It struck me—“My daughter has a stalker!” I requested the child’s name but was informed confidentiality laws prevented disclosure. I offered a name, knowing who it was: the very child I had urged my daughter to include, listen to, and empathize with.
Panic surged through me. This boy had been following her closely, verbally belittling her, and creating discomfort among her peers. It was a situation that escalated without my knowledge. I wanted to know what measures the school was taking to ensure my daughter’s safety. They assured me that she would be separated from this child, with teachers monitoring interactions and security cameras in place.
In that moment, I realized how naive my parenting advice had been. I told my daughter, “I have given you terrible parenting advice.” There was silence before she replied, “I’m fine. It’s not a big deal.” But for me, it was a huge deal. I felt I had led my child into danger.
Last year, my daughter traveled to Washington D.C. and was placed in a group with this boy. This time, I empowered her to stick with her friends and remain polite while keeping her distance. We had many discussions about personal safety, especially as a girl. We talked about avoiding deserted areas, staying aware of her surroundings, and ensuring we remained close in public spaces.
While I don’t wish to take a side in the ongoing debate about school violence, I believe we can all agree on the importance of our children’s safety. My experience has taught me that, at times, encouraging our kids to be inclusive and compassionate can lead them into precarious situations. Sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable not to be kind.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, the author shares their experience of parenting and the challenges of teaching kindness and inclusivity. After encountering unforeseen consequences when their daughter engages with a troubling peer, they reconsider the advice about compassion and inclusion they have imparted. The narrative highlights the importance of safety and awareness in parenting while recognizing that there are times when kindness may not be the best approach.
Keyphrase: parenting advice on kindness
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