By: Alex Johnson
Updated: April 26, 2023 | Originally Published: May 1, 2017
After a long day at work, I returned home to find the usual whirlwind of family life waiting for me. My partner, Sarah, was in the kitchen, preparing dinner while our youngest, a messy toddler named Leo, clung to her leg, crying for attention. Meanwhile, our two older children, Jake and Lily, were at the dining table engaged in a heated debate over homework. Jake, eager to help, kept insisting, “Just let me show you!” but Lily was adamant, “I want Mom!”
This scene is all too familiar. It often resembles chaos more than the romantic ideals we see in art. I recently stumbled upon a collection of paintings that captured the essence of love—couples embracing in serene moments. I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, remembering the tender moments Sarah and I have shared over our 13 years together. Yet, in the thick of parenting, those moments can feel like a distant memory.
Instead of romantic gestures, there are times when it feels more like a business arrangement. I can see the stress on Sarah’s face—lips pressed tightly, eyes pleading for support. Although I yearn to hold her close and share a kiss, the truth is that in those frantic moments, we don’t have the luxury of sentimentality.
I dropped my bag and immediately scooped up Leo, changing his diaper while mediating the argument between Jake and Lily as if I were defusing a bomb. With dinner finally ready, we set the table and gathered as a family to eat.
Throughout the evening, we hardly exchanged words. There were no inquiries about each other’s day, nor did we share any physical affection. It was all about getting things done. After years of parenting, we’ve learned to operate in sync without needing to ask, “What can I do?” We instinctively know how to support one another and keep the household running.
Some might view this as a sign of comfort—a relationship devoid of passion. However, I believe it reflects the reality of a committed partnership. Marriage and parenting are beautiful, yet they often don’t resemble the fairy tales we wish they would.
Sometimes, it feels like business partners tackling a project. Other times, it means dividing and conquering parenting tasks or backing each other up on discipline. It’s about recognizing the beauty in your partner, even when they haven’t changed out of their sweatpants all day.
This doesn’t mean we should settle for a lack of affection. We shouldn’t abandon kisses, sweet gestures, or moments of romance. Instead, we ought to appreciate that even in the chaos, we have found a partner willing to face one of life’s toughest challenges together—raising children. There’s immense beauty in that unity.
Once the kids were tucked into bed and the dishes were washed, I approached Sarah, who was winding down in the living room. “You haven’t kissed me,” I said, standing at the hallway’s end. She turned to me, a playful smile on her face, and replied, “You haven’t kissed me.”
We exchanged glances, waiting for the other to make a move. Finally, we embraced and shared a kiss, momentarily resembling those loving couples in the paintings. Just as we smiled at each other, we heard a creak from down the hall. It was Leo, out of bed and heading our way. Without a word, I released Sarah, scooped him up, and carried him back to his room. Romance would have to wait once more.
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In summary, parenting can often overshadow the romance in marriage, transforming it into a partnership defined by teamwork and shared responsibilities. However, amidst the chaos, the bond between partners can deepen, revealing a different kind of love—one built on collaboration and mutual support.