“I’m sorry. Can we be best friends again?” A phrase that could easily come from two kids on the playground, or perhaps a married couple navigating their seventh year together.
Apologizing even when you don’t feel it, conceding in disagreements—this might just be the key to a thriving relationship. I didn’t always recognize this truth. I suspected it, yet my own selfishness often held me back from embracing it fully. Life teaches you profound lessons, especially in moments of heartache. Holding your child for the last time or walking out of a hospital with an empty stroller can put everything into perspective.
If you’ve ever prioritized your partner’s needs over your own—even if only on a few occasions—then you might find yourself in a place similar to where we are today. Together, deeply in love and bound by shared grief, we find ourselves apologizing often, realizing that love far outweighs the need to be right.
In the early days with our first child, pride got in the way. We were both too focused on winning the battle of sleepless nights. Exhaustion ruled our lives, with no room for compassion. Our son underwent surgery at five months, transforming from a peaceful sleeper to a wakeful baby crying every hour. Initially, my concern for his well-being overshadowed everything, but soon, I was simply drained.
After a particularly grueling week, I announced to my husband that I was taking our son to my parents’ empty house for the week. “At least if I’m awake while you sleep, I won’t have to see it,” I said.
What followed was an hour-long debate about who deserved rest more. In the end, I softened my approach. “I want you to sleep. I know you’re as exhausted as I am. If I take him, one of us can get some rest.”
We didn’t really apologize, but the anger gradually faded. It wasn’t ideal, but we survived that phase, even though some resentment lingered.
Reflecting on those sleepless nights, I realize now how unnecessary my entitlement to being the “most tired” was. I didn’t need to win the exhaustion battle.
Fast forward a couple of years, and we faced an even tougher challenge with our daughter, Lily. Those nightly awakenings still felt torturous, but a strange strength emerged during those quiet hours when the world was asleep. It should have been a time for gratitude; after all, Lily was still with us. However, as the months dragged on without a single uninterrupted sleep, I found myself too fatigued for gratitude.
Then, my husband stepped in one night. “I’m sorry you’re the one staying up all night. I’m sorry I’m not helping more.” He offered apologies even when he didn’t mean them, simply because he knew I needed them to hold onto my sanity.
This time, I also found the strength to apologize. “I’m sorry for my anger. I shouldn’t take it out on you.” We both lost the argument, yet we gained something far more valuable: a deeper love and understanding.
Months later, we faced the unimaginable loss of Lily. Our arguments have become rare now, but when they do arise, I often pause and remind myself, “My heart is already broken. I don’t want to break it further.” And just like that, we find our way back to each other.
Our journey has taught us that love is far more important than being right.
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In summary, sometimes losing an argument is the first step toward winning in love.
Keyphrase: Letting Go of Being Right
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