“Hey, how’s it going?” I ask, casually checking my phone for the time. I’ve just bumped into an acquaintance, Jenna, at the grocery store, and both of us seem to be in a hurry.
Seeing Jenna in the cereal aisle gives me a pang of nostalgia. How long has it been since we last caught up? I’m genuinely thrilled to see her.
“I’m just so busy!” she responds enthusiastically, her yoga pants and messy bun mirroring my own look as she dives into a detailed account of her hectic schedule.
Soccer practices, school events she’s organizing, work obligations—the list seems endless. While I stand there, nodding and waiting for her to finish her monologue, I catch myself mentally preparing my own list of busy tasks to share.
Oh, she thinks she’s busy? I think to myself, as her words fade into the background. After all, she only works part-time and her kids are older. My mind drifts further while Jenna continues to recount her whirlwind of activities.
Once she’s done, she looks at me expectantly. “So, what’s new with you?” she asks, almost waiting for me to affirm that I, too, am swamped.
And honestly, it’s a little disheartening.
This is how motherhood friendships often play out. Moms seem to be in a competition to see who can be busier, as if filling our days to the brim is a badge of honor that defines our worth as parents.
Ladies, let’s be honest: this glorification of busyness is damaging our friendships. No one actually wins in this race. When we examine our lives, are we busy out of choice or obligation? Are we overscheduling our kids to keep up with other moms? Are we taking on too many roles in the PTA to justify our decision to stay home?
What are we truly saying when we tell friends we’re busy instead of expressing how we really feel? If we’re candid, I think most of us would admit to feeling overwhelmed by the activities we’ve chosen to pile onto our plates.
Several years ago, I came across an insightful article by Tim Krieder in the New York Times titled “The Busy Trap,” where he discusses our tendency to equate busyness with importance. As he notes, “…obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”
So, what do we really convey when we tell friends we’re too busy to spare a moment for them? When we boast about our packed schedules, we’re often masking feelings of inadequacy. We’re trying to convince others—and ourselves—that our constant busyness somehow makes us better moms.
Is that the message we truly want to send? Do we want our hectic lives to hinder genuine connections with our friends?
Next time you run into a friend and she asks how you are, consider being honest. Share that you’re feeling overwhelmed, excited about a new project, or even that you regret enrolling your kid in that travel volleyball team because it’s turned your weekends into a grind.
Fight the urge to compare your busyness to hers. Because, honestly, it’s just inconsiderate.
We all have our responsibilities and challenges, and we’re all feeling the strain of a society that demands constant connectivity, leaving little room for downtime. We’ve all made questionable choices by overscheduling our families and trying to validate ourselves through a packed calendar.
We’re all busy, and it’s regrettable.
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In summary, let’s shift our focus from being busy to nurturing meaningful friendships. It’s not about who has the fuller calendar; it’s about the quality of our connections.
Keyphrase: The Busy Trap
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