When Your Child Doesn’t Make the Honor Roll or Win Awards

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In the age of social media, it’s common to see parents flaunting their children’s achievements. Proudly posted reports showcase their little ones earning straight A’s and receiving praises for their behavior and contributions in class. Teachers often describe these children as exemplary—helpful, quiet, and model students—while awards for attendance and excellence are showered upon them.

But for parents like me, watching this unfold can be a painful reminder of our own child’s struggles. My daughter, in particular, faces constant challenges in her academic journey. Each week, she hopes for recognition that never comes, as her classmates—often more charismatic and fitting the school’s mold of a “good student”—receive accolades for their efforts. Despite her tireless work ethic, my daughter must exert twice the effort to achieve results that others find effortless. Staying focused and calm in class is a daily battle for her, yet she continues to show resilience and determination. Still, this perseverance goes unrecognized.

Over the past six years, only one teacher has acknowledged my daughter’s unique brilliance during parent-teacher conferences. This teacher, who has a child with ADHD, expressed admiration for my daughter’s deep thinking and intelligence. I left that meeting in tears, overwhelmed by the rarity of such validation.

Research indicates that children with ADHD receive an astonishing 20,000 more negative messages than their peers by the age of 12. My daughter hears that she is constantly doing something wrong. She is reprimanded regularly, often for behaviors beyond her control. Educators assure me they will support her, but the outcome often manifests as punishment rather than understanding. Instead of recognizing her struggles, they attribute her behaviors to a lack of willpower, overlooking the reality of her condition.

Children with ADHD don’t need to be fixed; they need understanding. This condition is a disability that impedes their ability to meet expectations set for them. It’s crucial for educators to acknowledge those students who don’t fit the traditional mold, to see their distinct strengths, and to recognize their hard work—even when the results don’t align with the norm. Perhaps schools could consider alternative awards that honor effort rather than just academic success. Assessments should reflect a child’s knowledge, not just their capability to complete standardized tasks.

To all the parents of these extraordinary, hardworking children who may not fit the conventional standards: let’s proudly celebrate their unique qualities. We should resist the urge to discipline them based on the feedback we receive from school, which can sometimes diminish their spirit.

To the educators and school leaders: please don’t overlook our children. Take that extra moment to notice them, even if they seem overshadowed by their peers. Celebrate their individual strengths and acknowledge their progress in ways that matter to them. That’s all we ask.

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In summary, let’s foster an environment where every child, regardless of their challenges, feels seen and appreciated for their efforts.

Keyphrase: ADHD and academic recognition

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