I come from a fairly large extended family. My parents both have siblings, and most of those siblings have children. Additionally, I have four half-siblings from my dad’s earlier relationships. Despite this sizable network, I find myself disconnected from many of my relatives beyond my immediate family.
As a child, my parents often encouraged me to spend time with my cousins, mainly because we were all close in age. Sometimes we had fun, but honestly, it always felt forced. The idea of maintaining a friendship just because we shared blood never resonated with me, and as we grew older, I allowed these connections to fade naturally.
While some people might lament their lack of closeness with family, it doesn’t affect me much. I have a strong aversion to insincere relationships, and being close simply because of familial ties exemplifies that disingenuousness. I observe many of my friends who maintain tight-knit relationships with their extended families, and while it appears lovely on the surface, it also seems burdened with stress. With close families, drama is inevitable—contentions over who likes whose partner, perceived favoritism among grandparents, and the endless blame game can make gatherings feel more like obligation than enjoyment. When there are five people to deal with, addressing issues feels simpler than when you’re amidst a crowd of fifteen or more.
Culturally, we’re often led to believe that family bonds are the most profound connections one can have. Numerous television shows, like Parenthood, showcase families that spend ample time together, gathering for large dinners where everyone sits around a massive table. It’s heartwarming—if it weren’t so unrealistic. How do they even coordinate these get-togethers? Sure, they may face disagreements, but they always seem to resolve their issues within a couple of episodes. That’s a nice narrative, but not everyone experiences that reality.
The truth is, family is what we choose to make it, whether through blood relations or not. Nowadays, social media allows families to stay informed about one another without needing to forge deep connections. This suits me well; it feels like I’m meeting some obligation while avoiding the awkwardness of genuine interaction. However, even this superficial bond can feel contrived at times.
I generally don’t mind accepting friend requests from relatives, but the timing can be peculiar. For instance, several family members I hadn’t seen since childhood reached out to me right after my son was born. I accepted a few requests in the euphoric haze of new motherhood, but soon felt uncomfortable and unfriended them. If they weren’t interested in my life before my child was born, why the sudden interest now? It all felt awkward to me.
Some argue that I should nurture these relationships for the sake of my son, but I’ve never felt compelled to do so. They might think I’m depriving him of family bonds, but if those relatives didn’t make an effort when it was just me, why should they have access to my child? I’ve heard family members lament about how the “elders are turning in their graves” due to our family’s disconnect, yet when I receive a last-minute invitation to a Sweet 16 party, it feels insincere. It’s disingenuous to use deceased relatives as leverage, especially when I learn about family events through social media after the fact.
As I’ve matured, I’ve come to realize that I won’t chase anyone for a place in my life—family or not. Call me ungrateful if you wish, but if you want to be part of my family, you need to meet me halfway. Sure, I can be remiss in keeping in touch, but I believe true family would understand if I miss a beat now and then.
Do I sometimes yearn for closer family ties? Absolutely. Yet, I recognize who genuinely supports me and my son. I’ve cultivated a wonderful surrogate family among friends who will always be there for us when we need them, and that is what truly matters.
For more on family dynamics, especially regarding pregnancy, check out this excellent resource from the World Health Organization on pregnancy. And if you’re interested in exploring family-building options, our blog post on couples’ fertility journeys provides valuable insights. Plus, don’t forget to check out the at-home insemination kit for your family planning needs.
Summary:
In a world where family connections are often idealized, it’s perfectly acceptable to feel distanced from extended relatives. While some people cherish their familial ties, I find deeper connections with friends who genuinely support me. The dynamics of family can often be complicated, but ultimately, it’s about the relationships we choose to nurture.
Keyphrase: Not close to extended family
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