As parents, we all have our breaking points. It’s no secret that our daily lives can feel like a rollercoaster ride filled with various “phases” that our children go through. From sleepless nights to bouts of tears and endless demands, each phase brings its own set of challenges. Right now, I find myself in the midst of what I’ve dubbed The Angsty Phase, where my oldest tween has transformed into a scowling whirlwind of sass and attitude.
I wish I could say I handle her eye rolls and snarky comebacks with grace. If an adult spoke to me in such a manner, I’d likely be taken aback (unless they had just consumed something unpleasant). Interestingly, outside our home, she’s the model student, full of charm and kindness (or so I hear). However, that doesn’t ease the tension when we’re behind closed doors. Initially, I tried to justify her behavior with excuses:
- She must be tired.
- She’s stressed about school.
- Maybe she’s just hungry.
Yet, these explanations fell flat when I realized she’s getting plenty of sleep, enjoys school, and isn’t starving.
One particularly snappy morning, I jokingly told her I’d keep track of her eye rolls and snarky comments, and for every tenth one, she owed me a dollar. Thankfully, she’s not keen on losing money, which worked that day.
Finding effective discipline strategies that don’t disrupt my day—or another mom’s—is challenging. I’ve always been the type to comfort her when she’s upset, encouraging open communication. But as we’ve entered this new phase, I’ve recognized the need for a different approach.
1. Embrace Silence.
This is tough for a chatterbox like me. I tend to ask questions and dig for answers, but I’m learning to zip it. Recently, I put on my headphones and blasted music while washing dishes, creating a calming bubble for both of us. When words are minimized, emotions often don’t escalate, allowing space for both of us to reflect.
2. Create Distance.
In the heat of the moment, negativity can spiral out of control. I start by suggesting she take a break—be it a walk or some quiet time in her room. If she refuses to budge, I take a step back myself. Just a few minutes apart can work wonders in diffusing tension.
3. Cultivate Patience.
Even if our kids are feeling prickly, the loving individuals we know are still inside. Giving them space and not pushing them too hard can help them process their emotions. More often than not, they’ll come around, and you might even see a hint of regret in their expressions.
4. Discuss Later.
After some time has passed, when everyone’s in a better frame of mind, broach the subject again. Ask about their day, and once you sense they’re receptive, you can talk about what happened. Using the word “disappointed” to express how I felt about her actions has been effective—she often apologizes, and we end up having a constructive conversation.
Since adopting this new approach, things have improved considerably. Just the other day, after a tense morning, I noticed her expression soften as she left for school. It was as if the little girl I once knew wanted to come back for a hug, but instead, she waved goodbye with those big brown eyes. It’s just a phase, I reassured myself yet again—and it truly is.
If you’re facing similar challenges with your tween, I encourage you to give these strategies a try. Remember, parenting can be tough, but it’s just part of the journey.
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Summary:
Navigating the angsty tween phase can be challenging, but employing strategies like embracing silence, creating distance, cultivating patience, and discussing issues later can foster a healthier parent-child dynamic.
Keyphrase: Navigating the Tween Phase
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