Menu: Parenting
By Lisa Thompson
Updated: Jan. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 26, 2021
If you had told me back in the early ’90s that I would put my hard-earned education on hold to become a stay-at-home mom, I would have laughed in your face. That was not the plan for an ambitious feminist like me. But life has a funny way of steering us into unexpected paths.
Over the past eight years of motherhood, I’ve been thrust into the role of a stay-at-home mom twice due to unforeseen circumstances. My first experience was in a remote village in Turkey with my eldest child. As a full-time teacher, I worked until I went into labor, but a job transfer for my husband took us away from the vibrant city life to a tranquil seaside village. With no job opportunities and a newborn in tow, I turned to Martha Stewart reruns for inspiration and managed to adapt. I emerged from that experience as a somewhat competent Turkish mother, but once we returned to the U.S., I dove back into the workforce like it was on fire.
My second stint as a stay-at-home mom was not by choice. It began with my husband suggesting I take a brief hiatus to help our toddler through a significant surgery. Unfortunately, that brief break has turned into an indefinite stay, and I’ve realized that being a stay-at-home mom in America is a whole different ballgame than what I experienced in Turkey. Here are five ways I’m not quite cutting it in this American version of motherhood:
- My Wardrobe Needs an Upgrade
In Turkey, there was no pressure to dress up when you stepped out. A comfy sweater vest and a floral scarf sufficed. However, here in the U.S., it seems like every school drop-off demands a fresh outfit of color-coordinated workout gear. I overheard one mom mention her “yoga dress,” and I was left utterly confused. I tried to join the trend, but my husband just chuckled at my attempts. I guess I’ll stick with my trusty jeans. - Playgroups? No, Thanks!
The concept of playgroups is foreign to me. In Turkey, the closest thing to a playgroup was a chance encounter at the beach or park. We’d chat briefly, and that was it. In America, it feels like you need to belong to a playgroup to ensure your child doesn’t turn into a wild child. These gatherings can quickly turn into obligatory meetings that feel more like a chore than fun. I prefer the occasional social interaction without the pressure of regular meetups. - Small Talk About Motherhood Isn’t My Jam
In Turkey, we avoided the heavy discussions about parenting and instead enjoyed light-hearted gossip. Here, I find myself bombarded with conversations about motherhood. From the playground to the library, it seems like everyone wants to talk about babywearing and breastfeeding. Sometimes, I even speak to my kids in Turkish to avoid these discussions. I crave conversations about books and politics, not just the latest parenting trends. - Playing Isn’t My Strong Suit
American moms often engage in endless playtime with their kids, while Turkish mothers typically leave that to grandparents. I appreciate that approach. I mean, who has time to visit the Island of Sodor every day? I can organize a fierce game of Uno or Lego battles, but I’m only in for about ten minutes before I need a break. - I Miss the Adult Interaction of Work
I’ve realized that I’m not cut out for isolation. I thrive on conversations that don’t revolve around diaper changes. I miss dressing up for work and enjoying the camaraderie of co-workers, even if it includes venting about management. Who doesn’t enjoy a little workplace banter?
I never expected that I’d find myself more comfortable with motherhood in my husband’s culture than in my own, but here I am. Despite my struggles, I’m determined to make it work, even if that means investing in more yoga pants. If you’re on a fertility journey, check out this authority for helpful resources. For more information about artificial insemination, this Wikipedia article is an excellent resource.
Summary:
Navigating the role of a stay-at-home mom has proven to be more challenging than expected. From wardrobe expectations to social interactions and playtime dynamics, adapting to American motherhood is a struggle. While I may not fit the mold perfectly, I’m committed to making it through this phase with a sense of humor and a good pair of yoga pants.
Keyphrase: Stay-at-home mom struggles
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