When I first met my future husband, I was always in the mood. Day, night, in his office, or sprawled out on my living room floor—we didn’t hold back. But after delivering a tiny human, sex plummeted down my list of priorities, barely ranking above “clean out the fridge” and far below “get some sleep.” With exhaustion setting in, post-partum depression rearing its head, and nursing challenges taking their toll, I found myself feeling completely touched out by 8 p.m. every evening.
Some nights, our best moments were simply holding hands under the covers, praying our little one would sleep for the miraculous span of four hours. Just when we thought we might be getting the hang of parenting, we welcomed another baby, and then a few years later, another. If you think the wild sex life we had before kids was still in the picture, think again. We were not having sex nearly as often as we had hoped, regardless of how many kids we had.
A recent poll in Britain, part of Help-Link’s Expectations vs. Reality campaign, highlights that we aren’t alone in this struggle. After surveying 2,000 parents-to-be and 2,000 current parents, the findings reveal a significant gap between what couples expect before kids and the reality they face afterward.
Before embarking on the parenting journey, a whopping 92 percent of couples believed they would still be in love after the arrival of their little ones. Sixty-one percent anticipated maintaining a thriving love life, dreaming of date nights three times a month and intimate moments three times a week. Excuse me while I chuckle in my yoga pants. My husband and I would consider ourselves lucky to escape for a date once a month, and a kid-free trip to the grocery store counts as a win. And three times a week for sex? I can barely manage to floss that often.
It’s not that we don’t want to be intimate; it’s just that the demands of parenting are notorious libido busters. From sleepless nights with a newborn to wrestling with a toddler who won’t stay in bed, physical and emotional fatigue can quickly extinguish the fire. By the time our kids reach their teen years, we often find ourselves worrying about their emotional well-being and happiness, leaving little room for romance.
Before having children, many parents are blissfully unaware of these realities. Even if you’ve heard the warnings, you think they won’t apply to you. Parenthood seems like an adventure that will bolster your bond, disregarding research that suggests otherwise. You believe your love will conquer all obstacles, unaware of how challenging it can be to maintain intimacy.
Surprisingly, nearly a quarter of parents in the survey reported dissatisfaction with their love lives, with one in five admitting that their sex life had effectively vanished. Many of these parents likely belong to the 57 percent who no longer prioritize date nights, the 31 percent feeling less in love, and the 18 percent who have ended their partnership entirely.
While the statistics may seem grim, it doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to an unfulfilled relationship until your kids are grown. Although regular date nights might feel impossible, try carving out a few minutes each day for direct, one-on-one conversation. In an interview with TODAY Parents, author Clara Johnson, who wrote Regaining You After Motherhood, emphasizes that this is essential for a lasting relationship. Alternatively, you could follow the example of celebrity couples like Jay-Z and Beyoncé and create a relationship bucket list of fun activities to do together.
When it comes to sex, psychotherapist Lila Grant, author of Intimacy and Connection, suggests treating it as a priority on your to-do list. “It’s about recognizing its value and making time for it, not viewing it as just another chore,” she explained in an interview with the National Post.
So, if all it takes is bumping sex up the priority list to achieve marital bliss, I’m all in—after a solid seven hours of uninterrupted sleep, of course!
For more insights on navigating parenthood and intimacy, check out our post on home insemination kits, or for comprehensive information on pregnancy, visit Healthline. If you’re interested in self-insemination options, consider the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo.
In summary, the reality of parenthood often clashes with pre-baby expectations, especially regarding intimacy. While many parents find their love lives dwindling, it’s essential to prioritize connection, whether through conversation or creative date ideas, to maintain a thriving relationship despite the chaos of raising children.
Keyphrase: Parents and Sex Life Expectations
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