When someone implies that I’m not a “real” mom, the frustration bubbles up so quickly that they can practically feel the heat radiating off me. It’s absurd to claim that my love and dedication are any less valid because I didn’t give birth. Motherhood isn’t just about biology; it’s about the actions we take and the love we give. I’m sure my wonderful friends who are adoptive or foster moms would agree—motherhood encompasses both biological and experiential aspects. Some women are mothers by birth alone, while others may only be mothers by action. If you fit into both categories, congrats, a trophy may be in order!
Here’s a glimpse into some of the comments I encounter as a stepmom and foster mom:
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So, when will you have one of your own?
blink blink It seems some people need a reminder that I currently care for 2-4 children at a time. While they may not be mine by blood, they are undeniably mine in every emotional sense. I even have kids who are no longer in my life, yet they remain forever in my heart. If you’re able to see, please step away from my personal space and stop prying into my reproductive plans. Kthanksbye. -
Oh, come on. I didn’t mean it like that…don’t you want your own?
So, you thrive on being intrusive? Let’s just delve into my family planning, shall we? Would you like to see my period tracking app too? Maybe I’ll even give you a rating on my intimacy with my husband. Biological connection doesn’t equate to more love or commitment. -
Why do they call you mom? I mean, you aren’t their real mom.
What do you mean by “real”? Take a moment to reflect on that. I’m not their biological mom, and I never pretend to be. I’m their stepmom and foster mom. The kids decide to call me mom, and honestly, they’re not worried about the technicalities. They find comfort in that name, and who am I to take that away from them? -
You’ll understand ____________ once you have your own.
Let’s clarify this: my ability to understand parenting hinges on whether I’ve given birth? So, do adoptive parents not grasp the complexities of love? Why assume that your love for your child is greater than mine for my stepkids and foster kids? I pour my heart and soul into supporting them. I dedicate hours to understanding their needs and traumas, whether through research or emotional support. It’s a passion I will continue to uphold.
These comments are just a snapshot of my experiences with friends, family, and even strangers. I love these children fiercely, as if they came from me. I’m not here to pretend I’m better or worse than their biological mother. I’m simply me—an involved stepmom, a loving foster mom, an unwavering advocate, and a shoulder to lean on.
For more insights on motherhood and the journey of parenting, check out Make a Mom’s guide on artificial insemination. They also offer useful information on home insemination with resources like Cryobaby. For those interested in the science behind it, Wikipedia provides an excellent overview of artificial insemination.
In summary, the love and commitment of a mother are not defined by biology but by the actions and bonds we create. Every mom—biological, adoptive, step, or foster—deserves recognition for the love she gives.
Keyphrase: “not a real mom”
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