It was Christmas when my partner gifted me a sewing machine. I had some sewing skills, and we were concerned I might need to craft a costume for my son’s holiday performance. As it turned out, I ended up creating three magi headpieces, which was surprisingly easy.
Once that project was complete, I started looking for more simple tasks. Pillowcases seemed like a good idea. I decided to make festive Christmas pillowcases for everyone. I set up my sewing machine in the dining room and dove right in. I ironed, French-seamed, and pinned fabric, and suddenly, instead of stressing over my husband’s tardiness or the chaos of daily life, I was immersed in happiness, humming along and finding refuge in my craft.
Living with moderate to severe anxiety means I often fixate on details that others overlook, like the mess on the kitchen table or worrying about my dog’s performance in obedience class. I even have irrational fears that my husband might meet a tragic fate on his commute home. Illnesses haunt my thoughts, especially when it comes to my children and the flu.
But the most prominent issue for me is social anxiety, which spills over into the digital realm. Platforms like Facebook and Twitter can trigger a whirlwind of panic as I worry about global disasters or the latest news regarding troubling events. The #MeToo movement and its revelations weigh heavily on my mind.
Yet, as I sewed, I found a sanctuary. I could scroll through Facebook without being bombarded by distressing updates or hear about the latest political debacle. Pinterest provided inspiration for patterns, and I could indulge in browsing without the pressure of social interaction.
I kept sewing while my partner graded papers, and the kids played in the background. They had been thoroughly entertained throughout the day, so I didn’t feel guilty about disappearing into my sewing world. My drawers soon overflowed with my creations.
The irony wasn’t lost on me—I was escaping my anxiety through an obsession. I recognized that I was sewing excessively, missing out on family moments. My partner would often say, “You stay home and sew,” knowing it was beneficial for my mental health.
If it wasn’t sewing, it would be books. I could devour a novel in a single day, with anxiety fueling my desire to escape into other worlds. A juicy biography about the British royals, a gift from my in-laws, had me sneaking off to devour it in solitude, away from chaotic surroundings.
This behavior isn’t uncommon. Many individuals, whether on medication or not (I’m quite medicated myself), find ways to cope with anxiety. One common method is to dive deep into a hobby, sometimes neglecting other responsibilities. I’ve memorized the entire musical Hamilton, crocheted everything from baby hats to large blankets, and even overly focused on parenting. These obsessions offered a distraction from my overwhelming fears.
However, these fixations often result in overspending. Yarn for crocheting, books for reading, and now, fabric from thrift stores for my sewing projects—it all adds up. I occasionally miss my children, but thankfully, my oldest is eager to learn to sew with me, and we plan to work on a quilt together.
It’s important to acknowledge that I probably need to address some deeper issues, like my feelings regarding the #MeToo movement or how I navigate social media anxiety. Instead of just sewing away my worries, I should be seeking real solutions and engaging in meaningful actions.
Yet, my sewing machine stands there, its gleaming presence providing comfort through its rhythmic hum and orderly stitches. At this moment in my life, I crave that structure. I need the soothing repetition and comfort that comes from creating something tangible, especially when I struggle to decipher the nuances of social interactions online.
In summary, my journey through anxiety has led me to find solace in sewing and reading, but it’s crucial that I also confront the underlying issues instead of solely relying on these hobbies for escape. With my sewing machine by my side and my children wanting to join in, I can find a balance that nurtures both my creativity and my well-being.
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