Sometimes, it’s in the exasperated look he shoots my way that I feel the weight of our struggles. It’s those moments when I sense that he’s being overly critical of me or my numerous perceived flaws. There are times when his words and, oh my, the manner in which he expresses them make me want to tear my hair out. It’s the stress he brings when all I long for is a little peace. And sometimes, it’s his overly enthusiastic storytelling that leaves me in the dark, missing crucial details.
The “he” I’m referring to is my husband, Mark.
I’m sure he could compile his own list of my habits that drive him absolutely crazy. While it would be easy to share them, I wouldn’t want to bore you with the lengthy details. But, just for fairness’s sake, here are a few:
- He dislikes when I leave my laundry inside out.
- He wishes I’d do the laundry more often.
- He can’t stand that I don’t rinse dishes thoroughly before loading them into the dishwasher.
- He wishes I managed our finances better, which I admit is true.
- He often says I should be less sensitive and learn to let things slide.
- He wishes I’d take an interest in sports, even if it was just for his sake.
- He hopes I would spend more time outdoors with the kids.
- He really wishes I wasn’t so perpetually fatigued from my Lyme Disease.
Some of our frustrations we openly discuss; others remain unsaid, just part of the fabric of our nearly nine-year marriage.
A few years back, our petty annoyances morphed into significant grievances. Our spacious home suddenly felt cramped. We felt as if we were constantly stepping on each other’s toes, despite the physical space we had. The resentments and frustrations piled up, and it didn’t help that our communication was abysmal.
As the gaps between us widened, we found ourselves breathing easier when apart, yet our family dynamics didn’t allow for that distance. Tension mounted as our togetherness grew more strained.
Let’s be honest—adding two headstrong kids to the mix of two stubborn adults certainly didn’t help smooth our rough patches. Would it have been different if they were all sweetness and light? I doubt it.
About two years ago, Mark and I seriously considered divorce. We didn’t just flirt with the idea; we dove in headfirst. Lawyers were involved, contracts were drafted, and the legal jargon felt overwhelming. I was ready to purchase a townhouse, a sleek contemporary home that starkly contrasted with our traditional space—a subconscious statement, perhaps.
We had serious discussions about how we would break the news to the kids, how to divide our assets, and how to maintain a cooperative relationship for custody. It all felt surreal, primarily because it was.
Then, just two weeks before I was set to move into my new place and right before we were about to sign the divorce papers, we had a collective “holy crap, what are we doing?” moment.
It was at that point we both recognized that neither of us truly wanted a divorce. Yes, we craved change, but we weren’t ready to call it quits.
A thought kept circling in my mind as divorce loomed closer: Mark is my teammate. He’s my go-to person, the one I call when something amazing happens or when life feels like it’s crumbling around me. He’s the one I reach out to when I just need someone to talk to.
I couldn’t abandon my team like this.
Marriage is tough. It’s incredibly tough. Anyone who claims otherwise either isn’t married or is living in a fantasy. Two individuals come together, each with their dreams, quirks, and personalities, and then you’re expected to blend all of that into a harmonious union. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. Whether it clicks instantly or requires time, it demands ongoing communication, respect, and a whole lot of compromise—often exhausting.
Even now, after we’ve recommitted to one another, I still feel that exhaustion.
Earlier, I mentioned the things about Mark that can irk me. It’s only fair to share what made me realize why I didn’t want him to stop being my partner:
- He has an uncanny ability to make me laugh.
- His love for our family is genuine and heartfelt.
- His loyalty to his friends is unwavering; he treats them like brothers.
- I admire his passion for his interests (yes, even sports).
- When I’m down, he doesn’t let me stay there for long.
- He’s an incredible father.
- When he’s given the chance, he can be a wonderful husband.
- He compliments me on my hair, even when it’s not looking its best.
He will always be my person.
Each day, we show up for each other, and every day offers something new. Some days we function as a fantastic team, and other days we clash over everything. But every day, I grow more aware that the person I chose to have on my team is the one I need right now, and I’m dedicated to being present for him.
For those who are navigating similar paths, if you’re considering your options in terms of family planning, you might want to check out this link for ideas on home insemination. Additionally, this resource provides excellent information about insemination methods, as well as this one which is an authority on the topic.
In summary, the journey of marriage can be tumultuous, filled with ups and downs, but it’s the commitment to face those challenges together that often makes the difference.
Keyphrase: marriage challenges and commitment
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