About eight years ago, while tucking my son into bed, he shared that a friend of his was moving away because his parents no longer wanted to be married. My daughter, snug in her fleece pajamas and clutching her beloved storybook, was listening intently. We had a routine of reading together in her brother’s room, a special time for her as it was the only moment he’d let her in.
“That’s sad, sweetie,” I replied, trying to reassure him. “But he’s just moving to a nearby town, and we’ll still see him.” He nodded, but then my daughter asked the question that made my heart sink: “Will that happen to us? Will you and Dad ever get a divorce?”
In that moment, I saw myself as a child, recalling when I asked my own mother the same thing at her age. “Never,” she had replied, promising that she and my father would always be together. Three years later, they divorced, and we moved away from the home I cherished.
I hesitated, unsure of what to say to my daughter. I didn’t want to make a promise I might not be able to keep. Yet, with all the conviction I could muster, I said, “Never. We will be married forever.” I picked her up, and as she snuggled against me, she was asleep before we reached her room.
That conversation has lingered in my mind since my separation. I hoped my kids had forgotten about my promise, but my daughter brought it up again recently while we were driving to the mall. Eight years later, and it was time to address it.
I could sense her apprehension, and I felt it too. So, I turned off the radio and prepared myself to explain. I had told them then what I believed wholeheartedly—that I would be married to their father forever. I had loved him deeply on our wedding day, when each of them was born, and especially when my daughter posed that question.
However, without diving into too many specifics, I shared that people change. Sometimes, couples grow apart, and love can fade. It’s essential for your own well-being to pursue paths that nurture your true self, and that’s perfectly acceptable. I reassured them that this didn’t make either of us bad people; we simply did what was best for our family.
I emphasized how hard we tried. It’s not as simple as waking up one day and deciding to end a marriage. It’s a lengthy process, where you weigh everyone’s feelings, often placing them above your own. You put in the effort, struggle, and grapple with the decision for a long time before you finally let go. You give it everything you have.
“I don’t mind if you never decide to get married,” I told my kids as I drove. “What matters to me is that you engage in meaningful relationships with people you love. If you ever feel like a part of you is diminishing because of who you are with your partner, give yourself the permission and space to address it.”
Then, I made a request. “Please don’t let your father and I ending our marriage deter you from finding true love. We shared a beautiful relationship, one filled with hard work and love. Just because our marriage ended doesn’t mean we failed.”
They listened quietly, and I asked if they understood my message. They nodded, and I felt a sense of relief. I knew they would carry this conversation with them, much like they remembered our earlier bedtime chat.
As I turned the radio back up, I glanced at my daughter in the rearview mirror. She leaned against the window, a smile spreading across her face, and I felt hopeful that they would navigate their own relationships with wisdom.
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In summary, it’s essential to communicate openly with children about love, relationships, and the complexities of marriage, even when things don’t go as planned. By sharing honest experiences, we can help them navigate their own paths with understanding and resilience.
Keyphrase: Lessons About Love and Relationships
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