The term “working mom guilt” makes me shudder. Not for the reasons you might think, though. When you hear that phrase, does it conjure images of a frantic mom in heels, racing from a school drop-off to an important meeting, only to realize she’s forgotten her child’s lunch in her bag? Or perhaps you envision a mom at her desk, tears streaming down her face as she watches a video of her baby taking their first steps sent by the nanny?
Maybe you even recall a moment from your own career that pierced your heart because you missed a significant milestone or celebration with your kids. Sound familiar?
Those images are commonly associated with the idea of working mom guilt, and they resonate with many women. However, what really gets under my skin is the very phrase itself—working mom GUILT. The word “guilt” implies that working mothers, myself included, are somehow in the wrong. It suggests shame, akin to stealing from a workplace or being unfaithful.
It’s no wonder so many of us feel negative about our journey; the terminology alone sets us up to feel like we made the wrong choice. For many of us, working isn’t even a choice—it’s a necessity.
Sure, I feel a pang of sadness when I have to say goodbye to my two-year-old, who waves at me from the front steps with the cutest smile. And yes, I wish I could volunteer in my first grader’s classroom more often to better understand his teacher’s approach. But do I feel guilty about my love for my career and the financial security it provides my family? Absolutely not.
What I truly feel is what I refer to as working mom frustration. I’m frustrated that so many women have returned to work before they were ready because of insufficient maternity leave. I’m frustrated that we often apologize to our employers for leaving early for family commitments, even when it doesn’t affect the company’s bottom line.
One mom I spoke to put it perfectly: “I feel more guilty about leaving the office early for my kids than I do about leaving my kids. That’s a cultural issue.” And it is time we address it.
How can we expect employers to change policies if we continue to act like it’s our fault there’s a problem? The real issue isn’t our guilt; it’s the absurd expectations and barriers that working parents face in this country. Why are we still okay with the fact that women in the U.S. are often given no paid maternity leave? A friend who works for the federal government explained, “You have to use your annual leave or sick days. If you don’t have enough, you can enroll in a program that might grant you six to eight weeks of paid leave, but anything beyond that is unpaid.”
This is simply ridiculous. Six weeks postpartum is not enough time for recovery; anyone who’s been through it knows that new mothers are still trying to find their footing during that time.
In contrast, in Canada, women can take up to a full year (or more) off. A Canadian mom shared, “We receive a percentage of our wages. While it’s less than when we work, we also save on childcare costs, and we can split the leave with our partners.” When I asked if this lessened the guilt, she said, “I think we’re generally hard on ourselves, but I’m definitely more prepared physically and emotionally to return to work compared to those who go back sooner.”
Imagine the transformation in our own country if we adopted similar policies! What if working moms felt valued as both employees and parents, rather than believing the two roles are at odds?
To all the working mothers out there, it’s time to stop internalizing these feelings of guilt that have been unjustly placed upon us. Let’s start expressing our needs and advocating for what we deserve to thrive in both our careers and our family lives. It’s time to talk about change, not guilt. We won’t see any progress until we demand it.
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Summary
Working mom guilt is a misleading term that leads to unnecessary feelings of shame for mothers balancing careers and family life. Instead of feeling guilty, we should recognize our frustrations about insufficient maternity leave and societal expectations. Open discussions about our needs are essential for creating change in workplace policies and supporting working mothers.
Keyphrase: working mom frustration
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