My boys are well aware of where I keep my stash of condoms and they understand they can help themselves whenever they can reach it without a stool. At this age, they cringe at the mere thought of being intimate (“Ewww, Mom!”), but I know that someday they’ll face those feelings and may not find it so “gross” anymore. When that time comes—when they transition from innocent kids to teens with hormones—they will be ready. I can say that with confidence because I’ve been laying the groundwork since they were toddlers.
To some, my approach might seem a bit excessive. Conversations about sex often evoke fears of robbing children of their innocence or mistakenly promoting sexual behavior. However, the reality is that sexual development starts in childhood and only grows more complex over time. As parents, we can either normalize these discussions, making it easier for our kids to ask questions, or we can create an environment of shame and confusion. The latter often leads them to seek information in unsafe or unreliable places.
Finding the right starting point can be tricky, as each child is unique. For example, my eldest, who is very literal and has a penchant for medical documentaries, was curious about how babies were made from the age of four. He wanted a detailed explanation. In contrast, his younger brother seemed baffled by my attempt to provide a technical answer, so I learned to tailor my responses according to their understanding. Now, when my younger kids ask, I often respond with “How do you think babies are made?” allowing them to express their ideas and giving me a clearer picture of their knowledge.
I start early, teaching them the correct names for their body parts and discussing boundaries. It’s important for them to know that their genitals are normal, and there’s no reason to feel shame about them. I emphasize that no one should touch them where their underwear would cover and encourage them to come to me or their dad if they ever feel uncomfortable. This not only teaches them about personal boundaries but also establishes me as a trusted source for their questions.
As they grow, I look for teachable moments. For instance, I once watched an episode of a reality show that dealt with teen pregnancy, and it opened the door to discuss the importance of using condoms. I explained how they work and stressed that protecting themselves and their partners is a responsibility they should take seriously, even if they’re not ready for sexual activity just yet. They may not be prepared now, but they’re definitely absorbing this information, which I believe will serve them well in the future.
I won’t lie; initiating these conversations can be awkward. However, that discomfort fades with practice. I remind myself that keeping my kids uninformed does a disservice to them. By starting these discussions early, I’m setting the stage for more nuanced topics that will inevitably arise during their teenage years. I aim to be an approachable, non-judgmental source of accurate information. If I don’t talk to them about sex, someone else will, and I’d prefer they hear it from me rather than someone who might not understand the significance and responsibility that comes with it.
The thought of sending my kids off to college without knowing how to handle basic life skills like cooking is already daunting. How could I ever let them navigate the complexities of relationships and sex without the knowledge they need? A sexual encounter can dramatically alter someone’s life—leading to emotional connections, potential trauma, or even unplanned pregnancies. If I’m teaching them how to budget meals but neglecting to inform them about their sexual health and rights, then I’m failing them.
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In summary, it’s vital to engage in conversations about sex early and openly. By doing so, we prepare our children for the realities of life, fostering a safe environment where they can seek guidance without fear.