I’ve come to realize something profound: I miss my mom. Is that even permissible to admit? Can someone who distanced themselves from a loved one during their lifetime still feel that void when they’re gone? I believe the answer is yes, and I know it’s true because I feel it deeply.
There was a time when I missed her presence, even before she passed away. It was a longing tinged with frustration, as if I were a child throwing a tantrum because I was too overwhelmed to articulate my feelings. I missed not just her support, but the way she once held our family together. I yearned for her comforting words while I stood buried in laundry, grappling with the chaos of motherhood, the weight of postpartum changes, and the relentless demands of little ones. I craved her reassurance—“It gets easier, it gets better”—wishing desperately that I could believe it, especially if it had been true for her.
But the reality was different. She wasn’t okay, and in my self-absorbed moments of whining, I often overlooked how profoundly her struggles affected her life. It was easier to drown in my own frustrations than to face the painful truth of her existence.
Now, though, my sense of loss has transformed. The ache I feel is rooted in a deeper understanding of her struggles with mental illness and addiction, which marred the last decade of her life. This sorrow breaks for her, not as a reaction to my own loneliness, but as an acknowledgment of her pain. I miss her simply because I am her daughter, and that bond is irreplaceable.
I share this with you to remind you that whatever feelings you’re grappling with—be it sadness, anger, or even the absurdity of life—it’s okay. Embrace those emotions. It’s normal to feel a whirlwind of conflicting sentiments throughout the day.
And just as I needed to hear from my mother, I want to tell you: it does get easier. It gets better. Allow yourself to journey through your emotions, and know that you’re not alone in this experience.
Resources for Your Journey
For those navigating their own paths, I recommend checking out resources like this one from Mayo Clinic for insights into home insemination, or explore our guide on couples’ fertility journeys to assist you in your process. If you’re interested in self insemination, here’s a useful kit that can help.
In summary, allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Whether it’s longing, frustration, or a mix of emotions, remember that it’s all part of the journey. You are not alone in this.
Keyphrase: missing my mom
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