“The expectation placed on working mothers is quite specific: you should approach your career as if you don’t have children, while parenting as if you’re not employed.” – Clara Jenkins
Our mothers and grandmothers have paved the way for us. They campaigned, marched, and relentlessly fought for women’s rights, including the fundamental right to earn a living. In many respects, they succeeded; women now comprise nearly half of the workforce. In fact, over 75% of Canadian women aged 25-54 are employed.
As the current generation, we benefit from the doors they’ve opened. We’ve been conditioned to believe we can achieve anything, that we can truly have it all. And we strive for that. More women are earning advanced degrees than ever before. Yet, despite breaking through barriers in the workplace, we find ourselves shouldering an unequal burden of childcare and household responsibilities. As a working mom, it’s hard not to wonder, “Is this what they fought for?”
The reality of “having it all” is that it often translates to doing it all.
We strive for fulfilling careers while trying not to let our roles as mothers interfere with our work. We work harder than ever to prove our ambition remains intact post-children. We take on the role of the engaged primary caregiver—volunteering in classrooms, joining the PTA, coaching soccer teams, and organizing perfect Pinterest-worthy birthday celebrations. We manage cooking, cleaning, appointments, schedules, shopping, and social calendars. And let’s not forget the need to exercise, nurture our relationships, and, of course, carve out time for ourselves.
With so many responsibilities juggling in the air, it feels like a slight breeze could bring everything crashing down. One unexpected sick day could spell disaster.
Five years into my own parenting journey, I’ve learned that something must give. We simply cannot do it all, and it’s time to acknowledge that. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for choices, not for us to feel compelled to handle everything. You can choose to dive into a demanding career, delegating more childcare and household tasks. Alternatively, you might opt for a part-time job, accepting that some professional goals may need to take a backseat for now. Self-employment is another route, but it often makes taking a break nearly impossible. Or you may decide to stay home, which can mean sacrificing years of income that might be tough to recover later. All these choices are valid; none are easy.
Let go of the notion that your home needs to be spotless, that bake sale contributions must be homemade, or that you should have your pre-baby body back. Focus on what truly matters to you and let go of the rest. We constantly measure ourselves against idealized standards across the board, and it’s simply unattainable.
In an ideal world, work-life balance would be more than just a buzzword. In a perfect scenario, flexibility in work arrangements wouldn’t hinder career advancement. Women wouldn’t carry the majority of childcare and household duties. Until then, it’s crucial to stop exhausting ourselves in pursuit of the elusive dream of “having it all.”
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In summary, the myth of “having it all” is just that—a myth. It’s time to embrace the reality that we can’t do it all and to choose what truly matters in our lives.
Keyphrase: The Illusion of Having It All
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