I’m gearing up to dance for an entire hour in front of a crowd, mixing and matching steps to at least fourteen different songs while a sea of eyes watches my every move. Surprisingly, I’m not nervous at all—in fact, I’m thrilled. Welcome to my world as a Zumba instructor, where I lead energetic classes filled with new faces each week. They judge not only my ability to guide them through the choreography but also their perception of the gym and Zumba itself. It may sound intimidating, but I glide through the class with a smile, thriving on the energy of the group while cheering everyone on.
However, put me in a mundane situation like standing in line at the post office, and I transform into a completely different person. My palms sweat as I clutch a box that simply wouldn’t fit in my mailbox. I hesitate to even send it because I couldn’t handle the thought of doing it from home. Yet, it’s important, so here I am, heart racing and mind spiraling: What if I didn’t wrap it properly? What if it isn’t sealed correctly? What if it violates some obscure regulation?
My mind races through an endless list of potential disasters, and by the time it’s my turn, I’m on the brink of a panic attack. I can already hear my inner voice critiquing me: “How can this thirty-something woman not know how to send a package?” My heart pounds, and I rehearse my words over and over, desperate to avoid sounding foolish. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, my anxiety screams louder than logic.
This is the peculiar contrast I navigate daily: living as an extroverted person grappling with social anxiety disorder, two seemingly incompatible aspects of my identity. My life is a constant balancing act between feeling outgoing in some situations and wishing I could just disappear in others.
It’s perplexing; there’s no clear pattern to what triggers my anxiety. Most of the situations that leave me overwhelmed would make “normal” people chuckle if I shared them. For instance, I can’t muster the courage to order a pizza over the phone. Honestly, I avoid phone conversations altogether, even with people I enjoy talking to face-to-face. There’s just something about it that sends my anxiety into overdrive, despite the fact that the person on the other end can’t even see me.
Taking my kids to the dentist or my pets to the vet? I can stress about that for days on end. Yet, I can walk into a social gathering and effortlessly engage with strangers, sharing laughs and stories without a hint of hesitation (and no, I don’t need any liquid courage for that).
But it’s not always predictable; my reactions can vary considerably. On particularly bad days, I’ve found myself hiding when the doorbell rings. I adore people and cherish connecting with them, but it often feels like a gamble—like petting a dog that might bite at any moment. Some days, I simply lack the strength to take that risk.
I realize how silly and irrational this sounds. Like anyone experiencing anxiety, I know deep down that most of my worries are unfounded. The postal workers aren’t going to mock me for my lack of mailing knowledge, and the pizza delivery person isn’t judging me for being awkward over the phone. Yet, for some reason, the fear remains. If I walked in to place my order at the counter? No anxiety whatsoever. Zero. And I can’t even explain why that is.
This unpredictability makes it challenging to open up about my struggles. How can I expect someone else to grasp my experience when I can’t even wrap my head around it? The anxiety whispers that they’ll think I’m just plain odd, which is why I tend to keep my feelings under wraps, pushing through when I can and avoiding situations that feel too overwhelming.
So, if you have a friend who sends all your calls straight to voicemail, consider texting them instead. If you notice they have quirky habits about seemingly trivial tasks, like going to the post office, don’t call them out for being strange. This anxiety is the fine line that separates those with social anxiety from merely introverted individuals. Embrace their quirks, however odd they may seem to you, and arrange gatherings in environments where they feel comfortable— and you might want to take the lead on ordering the pizza.
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In summary, living as an extrovert with social anxiety presents a unique set of challenges. While I thrive in energetic environments, mundane tasks can trigger overwhelming fear. My experiences highlight the unpredictable nature of anxiety and the importance of understanding and accepting these struggles.
Keyphrase: extrovert with social anxiety
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