Over the past 18 months, my partner and I have navigated some significant challenges in our marriage. After 18 years together, we found ourselves stuck in a cycle of irritation and resentment. Following a particularly intense argument a year and a half ago, we made the conscious decision to rebuild our relationship. Seeking help from a counselor, we began the hard work of improving our communication and emotional expression.
Through all the counseling sessions, one topic has never surfaced: our physical appearances. Neither of us has claimed that our weight or looks contributed to the strain on our marriage.
In essence, my weight has never been a dealbreaker for him, and his for me. After nearly two decades of sharing our lives, we’ve seen each other fluctuate in size—thanks to the realities of parenthood and those cozy Netflix nights filled with snacks. My husband has witnessed me at my heaviest during pregnancies, as well as the size 2 version of me in my wedding dress. No matter what, he still wants to be intimate, regardless of how snug my yoga pants have become.
When we faced the deeper issues in our relationship, we recognized that marriage transcends our youthful appearances. Our bodies have changed, just as our marriage has evolved. In therapy, we’ve focused on nurturing trust and kindness. When I gaze into his eyes during these challenging discussions, I’m not fixated on his fuller cheeks or the absence of his former six-pack. I see the man I fell in love with, not just a number on the scale.
When a marriage is in distress, the weight on the scale simply doesn’t matter.
Recently, celebrity chef Marcus Thompson shared that he lost 56 pounds after his fitness-focused partner, Tara, issued an ultimatum: lose the weight or face divorce. In an interview, Marcus admitted he felt uncomfortable with his appearance and that Tara was “not impressed.” He chose to get healthier because he feared she’d follow through on her threat if he remained “overweight.”
I don’t know Tara and Marcus, nor do I understand their unique relationship journey. However, when a public figure implies that a few extra pounds could lead to divorce, it makes me roll my eyes. Seriously, Marcus, think about the message you’re sending.
Divorce is a serious issue, and very few couples are on the verge of splitting over a partner’s weight gain. Sure, there are cases where food addiction causes friction, or deeper emotional struggles are masked by frustration, but, generally speaking, I suspect that marriage therapists rarely encounter couples whose primary issue is a few extra pounds.
What’s also concerning? Body shaming. There’s a compassionate way to address a partner’s health concerns without resorting to weight-related ultimatums. Such tactics are neither loving nor kind and usually exacerbate the issues.
I don’t hold it against Tara for feeling less attracted to Marcus, nor do I blame him for wanting to embrace a healthier lifestyle. We all want our partners to be the best version of themselves. However, it’s disheartening to trivialize marriage struggles with comments about appearance.
Marriage should not feel disposable based on physical appearance. It’s crucial to normalize marital challenges in a constructive manner that acknowledges the real fear of impending divorce. Instead of framing it as a weight issue, why not say, “My marriage is facing challenges, and I’m focusing on my emotional, spiritual, and physical health to be a better partner”?
Just as I know my marriage struggles were profound, I suspect Tara’s issues go much deeper than Marcus’s waistline. It seems he’s too stubborn to see it.
My husband and I have faced significant hurdles in the past year. It has been a painful but necessary journey of reflection and active listening to mend our marriage. Almost losing my relationship has put trivial issues like weight loss into perspective. If Marcus is genuinely facing divorce due to Tara’s dissatisfaction with his looks, I feel for both of them. Ultimately, marriage is so much more than a number on the scale.
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In summary, marriage is about connection, trust, and growth, far beyond superficial metrics like weight.
Keyphrase: Marriage and Weight
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