Updated: June 8, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 4, 2018
“Isn’t it true that you need to love yourself first?” This was my almost eight-year-old’s response when I mentioned that I always think of him before myself.
“You always tell me that self-love is important,” my son chimed in. “So, shouldn’t you be a priority too?”
I relish these enlightening moments with my child, especially after a week where I had barely considered my own needs, let alone placed them in the top five.
“Yes, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and self-love. But being a parent changes things; I want to think of you first. It’s a choice I make!”
“But who thinks about you, then?”
Honestly, he might as well be the second-grade version of a life coach! He’s got this uncanny ability to echo my life lessons precisely when I least expect it, proving that he is always tuned in.
These instances remind me that the values I try to instill in him are resonating, even if I sometimes struggle to answer his probing questions.
Over the past few months, I’ve made a conscious effort to prioritize my health and happiness—not just for my family, but for myself. I’m dedicating time to prepare nutritious meals and schedule workouts, guilt-free. I’ve become more attuned to my body’s signals, knowing when I need a mental or physical break. And I’ve noticed that these changes have made me a better mother, wife, and person.
However, I still find it challenging to place myself at the top of my priority list. In the daily hustle, a workout often gets squeezed in at 10 p.m., and sleep sometimes takes a back seat. I often cancel or skip out on plans that I had hoped to pursue.
How do I explain this to my son? After all, I know that someday he might also feel the pull to place his partner or children first.
I want him to recognize that self-care is essential. As a young black boy in this society, I can’t stress enough the importance of him prioritizing himself. Neglecting this can lead to dangerous outcomes. He needs to understand that loving himself is fundamental to his happiness. When you are content, you can share that positivity with others without compromising your own needs. But maintaining that balance is an ongoing challenge—especially for a kid whose main focus is basketball and his friends.
I hope I set a strong example for him, showing that I value self-love and understand the significance of prioritizing my own needs. I also hope he sees that while I would do anything to ensure his happiness, it doesn’t mean neglecting my own.
“Mom? You could go back to your book club,” he suggested.
“What? Book club? I haven’t attended in years!”
“I know, and I was sad when you stopped going out. But I heard Aunt May say they would love to have you back. I’m alright with you going now.”
Those workouts will happen, even if they start at 10:30 p.m. And my social life will return—eventually, even if it takes a couple of years. For anyone interested in understanding the process of home insemination, check out this excellent resource on what the IVF process is really like. You can also explore more about boosting fertility with these supplements. And for those considering at-home options, here’s a great kit to get started.
In summary, my son’s insightful questions and reminders have led me to reassess my approach to self-care. It’s crucial to find a balance between caring for others and prioritizing oneself, especially in the challenging role of parenthood.
Keyphrase: self-care in parenting
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