Two weeks after the arrival of my daughter, my partner, Jake, admitted me to an outpatient mental health facility. After 11 sleepless nights, I found myself drowning in the overwhelming tide of new motherhood—grappling with breastfeeding, adjusting to my newborn’s erratic sleep patterns, and constantly second-guessing my ability to handle this whirlwind of responsibilities. No amount of reading maternity articles or discussing parenting with experienced moms could truly prepare me for the reality I faced.
It’s important to mention that I have been managing anxiety for a decade. When Jake and I decided to start a family, I collaborated closely with my therapist to adjust my antidepressant dosage to what we deemed “safe” for pregnancy. However, it’s essential to recognize that no medication can guarantee a risk-free pregnancy.
We took great care to select an OB-GYN who specialized in treating women with anxiety and depression. With my mental health background, we anticipated the possibility of postpartum depression. What we weren’t prepared for was the onset of postpartum psychosis.
I won’t delve into the distressing specifics of my experience, as I still grapple with feelings of embarrassment and shame—though I know I shouldn’t. The situation escalated to a point where I realized my 11-day-old daughter was at risk because of my irrational thoughts, fueled by insomnia and hormonal shifts following childbirth.
I had never even heard of postpartum psychosis until I found myself in the hospital, trying to navigate the fog of confusion that enveloped me during those sleepless nights. Upon leaving treatment, I was prescribed new antipsychotic medications that prevented me from breastfeeding, and I longed for someone who could truly understand my ordeal. Unfortunately, I found myself feeling isolated, ashamed, and utterly alone. Holding my precious baby, I questioned my fitness as her mother.
While there were others in the hospital dealing with various mental health issues, none were new parents like me, fresh from the challenges of childbirth. It was then that my mother connected me with Lily from Postpartum Support Network. Although she was busy, Lily took a moment to call me and share her own battle with postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) after her first child’s birth. Her willingness to share her story lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. She reassured me that I shouldn’t feel ashamed, that my experience was not uncommon, and that recovery was possible.
Though I haven’t spoken to Lily since that pivotal phone call—talking about this still feels vulnerable—my journey has been a rollercoaster of finding the right medication and lifestyle changes that work for me as a mother. I’m not the same person I was before my daughter entered the world, but I’ve grown stronger through this experience, gaining a deeper awareness of my limitations and strengths.
Now, as my vibrant daughter turns 10 months old this December, I can genuinely say I’m happy. 2017 was a year filled with both joy and challenges, a true testament to the complexities of motherhood. I discovered a female psychiatrist specializing in postpartum issues, and I’m now on medication that doesn’t leave me in a constant state of drowsiness. Instead of teaching full-time, I now spend mornings with my daughter and teach in the afternoons.
I share my story for one simple reason: When I tentatively confided my experience of postpartum psychosis to another mother, her reply was, “I don’t know what that is.” The conversation ended there, leaving me even more isolated. My hope is that there will be greater awareness and support for women experiencing postpartum psychosis, ensuring they never feel ashamed for seeking balance in their motherhood journey.
As a mom, especially a new one, the most vital lesson I’ve learned is that prioritizing self-care is essential for being the best parent possible. I feel equipped to be a supportive mother to my daughter and partner to Jake, but I recognize that this journey is about continuous progress.
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In summary, understanding postpartum psychosis is crucial for mothers to find the right support and to prioritize their mental health, which is fundamental for nurturing their children effectively.
Keyphrase: postpartum psychosis awareness
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