By Jamie Lawson
Tyler stands in front of me, mimicking and mouthing my words as I ask him to take a time-out for ignoring me for the third time. His face is twisted in a completely disrespectful manner as he impersonates me. He looks young and silly in his exaggerated copy, yet I can feel my frustration rising. Inside, I’m boiling. He’s got me.
What I perceive as a blatant disregard for my simple request—just sit down at the dinner table—feels like a middle finger to my authority. All I want to do is throw up my hands and shout, “You’re being a total brat!” but I hold back.
I resist the urge to react impulsively, reminding myself to stay calm. I count to three, informing him that if he doesn’t listen, his beloved rollerblades will be off-limits for the night. Slowly, he drags himself away from the table and heads to his room. I plant my feet firmly on the ground to resist the temptation of giving him a little nudge to hurry up. As a parent, I constantly grapple with the balance between my frustrations and the knowledge I have as a clinical psychologist. The reality is: this behavior is typical. Tyler is finally stepping out from his older brother’s shadow, exploring his independence within our family dynamics and the world at large.
If this child were in my office, what would I think? What questions would I ask? I always start by considering the developmental stage he’s in. Each child has their own journey, but at 7 years old, certain milestones are expected.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), children aged 6-8 often struggle with the concept of growing independence. In simpler terms, they are navigating the tricky waters of becoming more self-reliant while still needing guidance. When I take a step back and think about this from a psychologist’s viewpoint, it all begins to make sense.
This year has marked a significant leap in Tyler’s independence—he started first grade, joined a French Immersion Program that requires him to do homework alone, and has begun roaming the neighborhood calling for friends. He engages in independent play with siblings and peers, creating a life at school and on the field that feels distinctly separate from his parents.
I can relate to his confusion. He wants to assert his autonomy while still relying on us. Tyler’s newfound attitude is a clear expression of this struggle between independence and dependence. He’s testing boundaries, trying to figure out how to be both self-sufficient and respectful. My role is to guide him through this process, setting the boundaries he needs while recognizing the loving heart that lies beneath his rebellious exterior. Reacting with anger sends the wrong message—that I can’t handle his difficult emotions or his need to push limits.
So to all the parents with spirited 6-8-year-olds, remember this:
- Your children are not bad kids. This phase will pass.
- Responding with anger is counterproductive and often worsens the behavior in the long run.
- Set clear boundaries and expect them to test these limits frequently. Using a slow count of 1-2-3 can be effective. Let your child know there will be consequences for not responding by three, while ensuring the limits you set are realistic—not overly harsh due to frustration.
- Identify your top three parenting priorities. Communicate these expectations clearly and hold your child accountable for them, while letting the rest slide. Parenting is about compromise, not dictatorship.
- Engage in conversations with your child. Ask them how they feel. Validate their emotions. “You’re doing so much more on your own, and I’m proud of you. But it’s normal to feel confused as you gain independence. How has this been for you? You’re a good kid, and I love when you show respect. Remember how (name someone they admire) demonstrated kindness?”
At the end of the day, remind yourself that you’re doing a good job. These moments can test parents and trigger feelings of frustration, making it seem like their child’s behavior reflects their parenting skills. While that can be true, it often isn’t. Children need to work through their emotional challenges, and that’s part of growing up. Stay patient, be loving, and strive to understand the motivations behind their actions.
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Summary
Navigating parenting a spirited 7-year-old can be challenging, as children at this age grapple with independence while still needing guidance. It’s crucial to set clear boundaries, communicate expectations, and validate their emotions. Despite the frustrations that arise, remember that this phase is temporary and part of their developmental journey.
Keyphrase: parenting a 7-year-old
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