My daughter is gearing up for her second middle school dance next week. Among the adults, the chatter flits between nostalgic tales of their own school days, discussions about outfits, and logistics like carpools. But there’s a recurring question: “Do kids actually dance?”
“I wish the girls would just say yes to any boy who asks. It’s only a dance.” I’ve overheard this sentiment more than once. People have even suggested I encourage my daughter to accept every invitation to dance, as if it’s simply a harmless activity.
Um, no way.
Let me be clear: my daughter has every right to refuse any dance invitation. She doesn’t owe your son a dance just because he’s anxious, or because he’s a decent kid, or because he asked, or simply because “it’s just a dance.”
You’re focused on shielding your son from a bruised ego for a single evening. I’m more concerned about teaching my daughter to safeguard herself from potential harm throughout her entire life.
Teaching Her to Say No
To clarify, I’m not labeling your son as a threat; that’s not the point. This is about my daughter learning to trust her instincts and assert her right to say no before she finds herself in uncomfortable situations. It’s about her feeling empowered to decline a date she’s not interested in, rejecting a drink she doesn’t want, or standing her ground against someone who crosses a line. The #MeToo movement and similar initiatives have highlighted how pervasive harassment and assault are, and it’s crucial that we teach young girls to stand firm in their choices.
Understanding “No”
Your son may be a great kid, just like mine. I recognize that it takes a lot of courage for middle schoolers to ask someone to dance. However, that doesn’t mean my daughter should compromise her comfort. Consent education starts early, ideally before middle school dances. Every boy needs to grasp that just because he asks someone to dance doesn’t mean he’s entitled to a yes.
The dynamics of asking and answering dance invitations illustrate a larger societal issue: teaching boys to expect a “yes” fosters misunderstandings, anger, and a disregard for “no.” Conversely, conditioning girls to say yes, even when they prefer not to, undermines their autonomy. It sends the harmful message that a girl’s comfort should always take a backseat to a boy’s feelings—a dangerous precedent in relationships and professional settings alike.
Educate Your Sons
My son is also getting ready for his fourth middle school dance next week. He’ll likely socialize with both girls and boys, and he might even dance. Importantly, he recognizes that the environment in the school gym is different for him than it is for girls. If a girl declines his invitation, he understands that it’s her choice, and he respects that. He’s learning the value of “no” and the concept of consent long before it becomes relevant in a romantic context.
So yes, your son is a nice kid, and while it’s “just a dance,” that’s not enough. The foundations we lay during these early experiences can shape future interactions—turning “just a dance” into “just a drink,” “just a date,” or “just another kiss.” It’s crucial that we teach all our children the importance of consent, starting on the middle school dance floor.
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In summary, it’s vital to teach our children about consent and respecting boundaries, starting from a young age. Encouraging our daughters to prioritize their comfort and teaching our sons to accept a “no” can lead to healthier relationships in the future.
Keyphrase: My Daughter Doesn’t Owe Your Son A Dance
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