As a parent, the weight of fear is a constant companion. From common illnesses to serious accidents, the world seems fraught with dangers the moment you become responsible for another life. This fear only deepens as I guide my children, a son and a daughter, through the challenges of growing up in a complex society.
The #MeToo movement has opened a vital dialogue about the injustices women face, creating a new layer of concern for parents. As I observe my children, just 18 months apart, I find myself wrestling with the fear that my daughter might one day face harassment or assault, while simultaneously worrying that my son could be involved in such situations.
While I cannot control the world around them, I can impart wisdom and values that will help them navigate life’s complexities. Here are the lessons I wish to share.
For My Daughter:
- Rudeness Has Its Place: I will teach you the importance of manners, but I also want you to know that there are moments when assertiveness may require rudeness. Never allow a man to disrespect you for fear of offending him.
- Never Dim Your Light: Whether it’s your intellect, beauty, or ambition, don’t alter any part of yourself for a man’s comfort. Authenticity is your greatest asset; embrace it fully without apology.
- Your Voice Matters, Anytime: Speaking up about your experiences is always valid, regardless of when they occurred. Silence does not diminish your right to express yourself.
- Female Friendships are Powerful: Dispel the myth of catty women. Build a circle of strong, supportive friends who respect each other, as they will stand by you in tough times.
- Consent is Non-Negotiable: Your body is your own, and you alone have the power to decide what happens to it. Never second-guess your right to say yes or no.
For My Son:
- Misogyny is Never Just “Talk”: Dismissing harmful comments as locker room banter does not excuse or normalize them. Such attitudes perpetuate a culture of disrespect toward women.
- Understand Consent: Consent goes beyond a simple “yes.” Be aware of a girl’s comfort level, and recognize that she can change her mind at any time.
- Speak Up Against Harassment: If you witness inappropriate behavior towards women, intervene. Being a bystander is not an option, even if it puts you in a difficult position.
- Mind Your Language: Avoid derogatory terms. Words have consequences, and using respectful language contributes to a kinder world.
- Choose Your Friends Wisely: Surround yourself with individuals who respect women and understand the implications of their actions. Loyalty should not come at the cost of complicity.
In conclusion, while I can’t shape the outside world, I hope to equip my children with the tools they need to navigate it with integrity and strength. These lessons are intended to empower them as they grow and face the complexities of life.
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