By: Jamie Mitchell
There’s a phrase I’m banishing from my life. It has lingered far too long, leaving guilt to clutter my heart and imposing rigid expectations on my mind. This well-intentioned phrase has pushed me into corners too many times, and I’m ready to fight back. It’s not me; it’s you, “Do your best!”
“Do your best” sounds innocent enough, yet it conceals a sharp blade at its core. Seriously, who is truly performing at their peak every moment? Who has their game face on 24/7? Who executes tasks flawlessly, implements every brilliant idea, and articulates the perfect response in a heated discussion? Whose life is Instagram-worthy without filters?
Oh, do you? Well, congratulations! You can stop reading now.
Let me clarify—your best is commendable! I’ve witnessed it at your kid’s birthday extravaganza, the outstanding retro bash for your partner’s milestone, or when you celebrated your best friend’s pregnancy with uncontained joy, even if you secretly wished it were you. I see the exhaustion in your eyes from sleepless nights nursing a sick child or calming a distressed teenager.
Your best shines during the marathon you trained for, the heartfelt toast at your parents’ anniversary, or the courage you showed while singing to your mother as she passed. I see glimpses of this “best” on your social media, but let’s be honest: life isn’t always post-worthy, nor do we consistently deliver our personal best.
What if you allowed yourself to step back and simply do what you can? You don’t need to live up to the perfect portrayals on social media or the unrealistic standards set by others or your own inner critic. You can exhaust yourself striving to be your best until you’re burned out. Can we please retire the mantra “always do your best”? It’s a relentless taskmaster. Sometimes, or even often, it’s perfectly acceptable to not give your all.
When my kids are munching on mac and cheese, cold cereal, or corndogs because my meal prep never made it past the grocery list, is that my best effort? Absolutely not! But that’s okay. “Best” implies a level of presentation I can pass on from time to time.
Is every workout a personal record? Is every report card flawless? Does every dish emerge from the oven perfectly? No. The idea of “best” shouldn’t be the only measure of success, so maybe we should cut ourselves some slack.
When is “not best” good enough? When I zone out on my phone late at night because I need a moment—okay, let’s be real, sometimes hours—when no one demands my attention. This isn’t how I’d ideally spend my time, but it’s fine. When I wake up tangled and weary, and my kids are growing too fast anyway. When conversations with my tween shift from joyful exchanges to one-word replies and then devolve into arguments, my best falters, leaving my ego bruised. When my little one refuses to come down from the car roof in a crowded parking lot, I resort to bribery instead of my best parenting strategies.
When the kids exceed their screen time, or their playtime, my best makes allowances; they’re just kids having fun, and I sometimes dread being the “fun police.” When my child watches “Frozen” for the third time because I’m too exhausted to engage or handle my responsibilities, is that my best? Not really, but it’s all I can manage.
Excuses? Maybe. Justifications? Occasionally. But let’s stop measuring ourselves against unattainable standards—you’ll always feel lacking.
What about the tough moments? When I lose my temper trying to juggle a million things and end up being harsh to those I love, my best hides in shame. But I recover, ask for forgiveness, and strive again—this time with more gentleness. When merely breathing feels like a victory, my “best” steps aside, allowing “not best” to fill in the gaps.
Because honestly, effort matters. Sometimes, “best” just doesn’t cut it. I can offer what I can in this moment.
Now, I have space for the messy, the imperfect, and the beautifully chaotic. My heart is lighter, and my soul expands to embrace mistakes, “good enough,” and joy. You’re welcome to visit anytime!
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Summary
The phrase “do your best” can be more harmful than helpful, imposing unrealistic standards and leading to burnout. Instead, embrace the idea of doing what you can without the pressure of perfection. Life is often messy, and it’s okay to acknowledge that not every moment will reflect your best self. By shifting the focus from striving for perfection to accepting “good enough,” we can find more balance and joy in our daily lives.
Keyphrase: “do your best” is misguided guidance
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