When the #metoo movement began to gain traction, my first reaction was one of trepidation. As many shared the hashtag on their profiles, I found myself hesitating. The movement unearthed painful memories that I needed to process in my own time, and publicly joining in felt overwhelming.
By the time I resolved that participating was right for me, the movement had taken on a life of its own, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of frustration. “This isn’t new!” I wanted to shout. “We’ve been voicing these issues for generations; you just haven’t been listening.” However, the movement persisted, evolving beyond a fleeting trend and empowering women to reshape the cultural narrative. We’ve begun to scrutinize the concepts of responsibility and consent in ways we never have before. Regardless of differing opinions, discussions have arisen, and that’s a significant step.
We need to confront the taboos surrounding deeply rooted societal misogyny. Yet, one domain remains obscured—the inner workings of our homes.
In my professional and social spheres, I’ve often advocated for gender equality. I’m a feminist everywhere except within my own home, and acknowledging that is tough. Like many, I’ve been conditioned not to reveal these struggles.
We’ve often discussed the invisible responsibilities that married or partnered women with children disproportionately shoulder. With fewer families able to thrive on a single income, we find ourselves juggling roles as breadwinners, caregivers, and planners. The conversation has been had, but I want to explore what happens next—how these dynamics unfold in everyday interactions between partners and children behind closed doors.
Most mothers I know feel some sense of entrapment. Many might not fully grasp the weight of that statement. Numerous women feel as though they are held captive by responsibilities, bearing the burden of “making it work” no matter the cost. We find ourselves in unequal, abusive, emotionally distant, or unfaithful relationships, fearing the financial and social repercussions of leaving. The emotional toll these situations take on our children is a heavy price to pay.
Here’s the heart-wrenching truth: our children are observing it all. We are teaching them gender norms that we ourselves are suffering from. You might say, “It sounds like you have a bad marriage and need to leave. It’s not like that in my home.” If that resonates with you, I genuinely celebrate your family. But this still has relevance for you.
As the dynamics of our homes and economies shift, women often find themselves at a disadvantage. This is the environment in which many of your children’s future friends, coworkers, lovers, and partners will grow up.
And here we are again, wrestling with that uncomfortable feeling—the same one I had when first contemplating sharing #metoo. It’s the same discomfort we experienced when examining consent in our lives, especially in dating. It has wormed its way into my home and is now confronting me directly. The blame, the responsibility, and the guilt that women are often conditioned to carry are at the crux of the issue.
I don’t have a solution. If I did, I wouldn’t feel as stuck as I do, just like so many other mothers. But I’m here, holding up a light with a trembling hand, hoping to ignite a conversation that needs to happen.
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In summary, the journey towards understanding and addressing gender equality begins at home, where we often shy away from confronting uncomfortable truths. By facing these issues together, we can create a more equitable environment for ourselves and future generations.
Keyphrase: Feminism at Home
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