Parenting
If You Struggle to Orgasm During Intercourse, You’re Not Alone
by Jamie Ellis
Updated: Dec. 10, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 20, 2018
Let’s be real for a moment: I’ve never experienced an orgasm solely from intercourse. For a long time, I questioned if something was amiss, as I often found that I needed extra stimulation to achieve that ultimate pleasure. Activities like oral sex or even manual stimulation felt way more satisfying than the act of intercourse itself.
Am I being selfish? Am I just not trying hard enough? Is everything functioning properly down there? However, as I’ve matured and grown more at ease with my body, I’ve had conversations with other women regarding this very topic. It turns out, I’m neither selfish nor faulty; everything is, in fact, working just fine. And importantly, I’m definitely not alone in this experience.
Research highlighted in Reader’s Digest Best Health reveals that a staggering 80% of women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone—they require additional stimulation. That’s right, 80%! So, if you find yourself in this category, it’s time to bring out the toys and have an open dialogue with your partner about how to enhance your pleasure. You deserve to experience bliss every single time you’re intimate.
Let’s be clear—this isn’t about your partner’s size, endurance, or technique. It’s crucial to reassure them of that before diving into a conversation about your needs. Many women report that they almost reach climax when they’re on top, yet still crave more stimulation to get there.
Just because most women don’t orgasm during intercourse doesn’t mean that we don’t enjoy it. Spoiler alert: Women love sex! Some of us may even fake it out of concern for our partner’s feelings, but that’s the real issue here. Our partners would likely prefer to know how to better arouse us, whether it’s through their fingers, incorporating a toy, or letting us guide them to our sensitive spots. If your partner isn’t interested in your pleasure, that’s a separate matter entirely.
There are many positions that allow room for clitoral stimulation during intercourse; for example, having him enter from behind or you taking charge on top. Reverse cowgirl can also provide excellent access for some clitoral attention. Alternatively, you can enjoy intimate moments before or after intercourse. Another fun approach is to mix it up: start with intercourse, then switch to oral until you climax, and finish with more intercourse—an oral sex sandwich, if you will! Delicious.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your desires. No one should feel they have to pretend to be satisfied when they’re not. It’s important to communicate with your partner about what feels good, and just because you aren’t reaching climax simultaneously doesn’t lessen the experience. It can prolong the fun, too! So, get adventurous around the bedroom (or kitchen, if that’s your jam) and explore new things.
Most importantly, don’t feel ashamed if you’re not experiencing orgasms during intercourse; you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Remember, 80% of us are in the same boat. A caring partner will want to know if they aren’t meeting your needs, so don’t hesitate to speak up.
In summary, it’s far more essential that you find pleasure than it is to achieve simultaneous orgasms.
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