“Look at her wearing pants under a nightgown,” someone chuckled lightly.
“I don’t think you’re changing his diaper correctly—he seems unhappy,” another remarked, nudging me away from the baby crib.
“Are you falling asleep again?”
“What does the scar look like?”
These were just a few of the comments I received from family after delivering my first child. While I knew they meant well, I had already compromised my personal wish to have no visitors in the hospital to be polite.
Reluctantly, I managed a smile while battling exhaustion. I was on pain medication after a C-section and dealing with the trauma of my baby arriving two weeks earlier than expected due to dangerously low oxygen levels. The last thing on my mind was being social; I craved food, rest, and the chance to bond with my newborn, whom I couldn’t even hold until four hours post-surgery.
Yes, I missed my own baby’s birth because I had to be placed under general anesthesia, and my husband was 800 miles away, trying desperately to catch a flight home. So, when it came to having visitors, I felt relieved to maintain my composure, yet deeply frustrated that I had to pretend to enjoy their company when I was in such a vulnerable state.
I wasn’t at my most fashionable—after all, I hadn’t exactly planned for a rush to the hospital when I noticed signs of labor. And yes, it might take me longer to change a diaper, but as a first-time mom, I wanted to learn without interference. I found it hard to stay awake due to medication side effects and was not at all comfortable with anyone seeing my scar, let alone commenting on it.
I had no idea that postpartum bleeding would still occur following a C-section. The physical discomfort made it even more awkward to play hostess to unexpected guests. As a naturally private person, I felt shy even in front of my husband, let alone in front of others while navigating the complexities of new motherhood.
Instead of cherishing those initial moments with my baby, I had to share him with family members and hospital staff who frequently dropped by. While I appreciated their love and support, I longed for the opportunity to recuperate and bond with my newborn without interruption.
When my husband finally arrived, I hoped for uninterrupted time to connect as a family, but this was only possible in the early hours of the morning after visitors had finally departed and nurses had completed their rounds. Unfortunately, this was also when we needed to find time to rest. It was an exhausting emotional rollercoaster.
Now, as my husband and I prepare for our second baby, we’ve revisited the topic of visitors. Personally, I want none. I tried to be accommodating during my first delivery, but it only added to my discomfort.
My husband, whose family lives nearby, worries that his parents will be hurt if they’re not invited to the hospital shortly after the birth. While I understand his concern, it takes me back to my previous experience: Do I create a VIP list to control who can visit, or do I allow everyone in to avoid complaints?
Ultimately, we decided my feelings take precedence. We can’t please everyone, nor should we feel obligated to. Why should I stress about family drama when I should be focused on my own well-being during this significant time?
If I prefer solitude after giving birth, then that must be respected. I have a right to privacy and comfort, even if I’m not breastfeeding, which seemed to be the one instance when I was allowed to ask visitors to leave last time. Rarely do mothers get to be selfish, but now is the time to set boundaries.
We plan to inform the hospital staff to restrict visitors, and if anyone has an issue with that, they’ll need to come to terms with it. Dictating what a woman can request regarding visitors after childbirth is simply inappropriate. If family can’t respect our needs during this momentous occasion, then I won’t be concerned about their feelings.
So, to the hospital staff: Please close the door. No visitors allowed.
In summary, it’s crucial to establish boundaries after the birth of a child. While family and friends may mean well, the mother’s comfort and recovery should come first. It’s okay to prioritize privacy and create a space for bonding with the newborn.
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Keyphrase: Privacy After Baby’s Birth
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