Let’s be real: I have some serious assets—so big they could practically warrant their own ZIP code. This “blessing” was handed to me by the Genetics Fairy when I was just 11, leading to unwanted stares from middle school boys and making simple activities like handstands a no-go. (Oh, the trauma!) Thus began my tumultuous relationship with my ample bosom.
Now, if you’re sitting there with your B-cup sisters, giggling and saying, “I’d love some of that,” let me just remind you to check your Tiny Titty Privilege. The struggle is very real for those of us who are well-endowed, and trust me, I’d join the IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee) in a heartbeat. If there were a breast tissue donation van outside my local Walmart, I’d be first in line, munching on snacks and collecting T-shirts as I offloaded my extra baggage.
But alas, that’s not in the cards for me, and maybe I’m a bit bitter about it. Want to know why? Just ask! I’ll take you back to the day I bought my first real bra. While my friends were browsing the adorable A cups at Victoria’s Secret, I found myself sulking in the adult section at Sears, waiting for my turn to get “measured” by a gray-haired lady who smelled like baby powder and wore floral prints.
When I finally entered the dressing room—seriously, it was like a mini gym—I had to undergo a TSA-level strip search. Grandma Baby Powder whipped out a measuring tape and asked me to stand, spin around, arms out. I felt like a prize watermelon on display while she gasped at my measurements. “You must have big-breasted women in your family,” she said, completely unfazed by my mortification.
After scribbling down some numbers, she returned with two choices: a Pepto Bismol pink bra that looked like it belonged to a grandma or a flesh-colored contraption that resembled a post-op surgical garment. Talk about a dilemma! “Is this really all you have?” I squeaked, hoping for a miracle.
“You’re lucky Sears even carries your size,” she replied. “We usually don’t stock such large cups.” My jaw dropped at the thought that my jugs were so massive that even Sears couldn’t help me out. I mean, they sell tractors in the men’s section! I stared down at those oversized boobie traps and sighed, resigning myself to my fate. My mom whispered to the clerk, and before I knew it, we were checking out—only to be horrified when those two ugly bras amounted to a small car payment. “They’ll be so comfortable, honey,” she reassured me. Spoiler alert: They were not.
Fast forward two decades, and I’m sad to report that the situation hasn’t improved much. I’ve spent years wrestling with four hooks that feel like they belong on a medieval torture device. I’ve endured back pain, unflattering prints, and even faced heartbreak when a seemingly perfect bra betrayed me with broken underwire (thanks for nothing!).
How is it that we’ve sent humans to the moon, developed life-saving vaccines, and made incredible advancements in science, yet we can’t create a single comfortable, stylish, and reasonably priced bra for the well-endowed? Seriously, someone with the means needs to step up. How hard can it be to design something supportive for breasts larger than Fuji apples? The average bra size in the U.S. is a 34DD. This is a MILLION. DOLLAR. IDEA.
NASA? Bill Gates? Shark Tank? Anyone? I’m pleading for someone to create the elusive unicorn of bras—one for women like me who avoid button-up shirts, wear two sports bras just to jog without a show, and wouldn’t dare attempt a cartwheel for fear of knocking themselves out.
Four thousand years ago, the Egyptians figured out how to lift two-ton blocks to create the pyramids. Bra-makers, there’s no excuse for your failure to comfortably support five pounds of chest tissue! Please, let’s make affordable, half-decent bras for big-breasted women a reality—preferably in more than two unappealing colors.
For those interested in other ways to take control of your reproductive journey, our post on the home insemination kit offers some great insights. It’s an excellent resource, much like what you can find at WHO regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the plight of larger-busted women is ongoing, and we deserve better options for bras that are both functional and aesthetically pleasing. It’s high time we develop a solution that addresses our unique needs.
Keyphrase: Comfortable bras for large breasts
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