I rely on my planner. Not just casually, but like it’s my lifeline. This year, I mistakenly purchased mine on January 2nd, a full day late, and already filled with a jumble of appointments I had to hunt down and transfer. I spent about an hour trying to piece together last year’s calendar with the help of social media events and my 9-year-old daughter, remembering the recurring dates, classes, and activities that needed to be documented. Yes, even the weekly ones. If they aren’t written down for me to flip through and point out, they might as well not exist in my universe.
This is the reality of being a mom with ADHD.
My ADHD is moderate, but it leans more toward inattentiveness these days, having shifted from hyperactivity during my teenage years. I managed fairly well until I became a mother. It’s one thing to live amidst chaos when you’re childless, but when you have a little one, you really need to see the floor to put them down safely.
After a couple of years of struggling, my doctor diagnosed me and prescribed medication, which finally brought clarity to my life. Laundry transformed from a mountain of procrastination into a manageable chore. The clutter that once overtook my living room vanished, and I started remembering trash day more often than just once a month. (My partner also has ADHD, so we’re quite the dynamic duo.)
However, medication doesn’t erase the disorder. The symptoms persist, and I still navigate life as a mom with ADHD. To the outside world, I might appear as a chaotic space cadet or, at times, a hyper-organized drill sergeant.
Take my car, for instance. After a thorough cleaning—hours spent making it spotless—I inevitably forget to remove things like empty fast-food containers or that extra backpack. Over time, my minivan becomes a mobile garbage can, and I dread the thought of other parents seeing it.
This is also why I sometimes overcommit myself, like agreeing to attend a board game event while simultaneously telling my neighbor I’d take my kids to meet her new kitten. I simply lose track of previous commitments during conversations. When I realize my oversight, I’m faced with the dilemma of which engagement to break. Thankfully, most people are understanding, but this double-booking scenario happens way too often, especially on weekends.
On the flip side, there’s my tendency to overcompensate. Those of us with ADHD often experience what’s known as hyperfocus, where we delve deeply into subjects that captivate us. For me, it’s fashion and homeschooling. I meticulously plan my children’s outfits a week in advance, laying them out the night before, right down to their socks. This routine is calming for them, especially since two of my kids share the same ADHD, easing their morning transitions.
I also hyperfocus on homeschooling. We adhere to a structured schedule—reading, math, writing for my oldest; math, reading, writing for my middle child; alternating science and social studies. Their planners are filled with details, and I ensure we retain artifacts for their portfolios.
But hyperfocus has its downsides. For example, after receiving a sewing machine for my birthday, I fell down a Pinterest rabbit hole of DIY clothing projects. Now, most of my free time is consumed by cutting, pinning, and stitching, while my husband takes on more parenting duties, and the kids are glued to the TV. I find it incredibly challenging to step away from my sewing projects to read them a story or play a game.
Last month, I became hyperfocused on Christmas, transforming our home into a winter wonderland. Now, the challenge is packing away all the decorations—something I’m not currently hyperfocused on.
Social interactions are another hurdle. Inattentive ADHD means I miss a lot of social cues. Making mom friends can be a challenge, but I’ve managed to find a supportive group who understand my quirks. Still, I often misinterpret their expressions or fail to grasp the significance of events in their lives, leading to unnecessary apologies.
I don’t think my kids suffer too much; they’re well-dressed and well-educated, after all. I allow for a bit of chaos at home, encouraging creativity through glitter and paint, and I’m pretty lenient with messes. However, I know they sometimes feel embarrassed about our car’s condition or get upset when playdates overlap, wishing I’d put down the sewing machine and just read them a story.
Overall, their happiness prevails amid the chaos. While it’s not always a smooth ride, we manage. We adapt and make do. Regardless of any disorder or challenge, that’s the essence of parenting.
If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of parenthood, check out our other blog post on home insemination kits and the importance of understanding your options with couples’ fertility journeys. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, this NHS resource is excellent.
Summary
Being a mom with ADHD presents unique challenges and experiences. From relying heavily on planners to managing hyperfocus, the journey is chaotic yet rewarding. Balancing responsibilities, navigating social cues, and ensuring children are happy and well-educated are all part of the adventure, demonstrating the resilience of motherhood amidst the complexity of ADHD.
Keyphrase: motherhood with ADHD
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