By: Jessica Thompson
The first time I dropped off my three kids at my ex-husband’s house, I found myself in a nearby parking lot, trying to regain my composure. I was far from ready to drive, but I needed to ensure my kids didn’t see me unraveling. It was their first overnight with him, and I didn’t want my tears to overshadow their excitement about spending time with their dad in his new home.
As the snow fell, it began to rain, and I realized I was starving. I decided to swing by McDonald’s for a sausage biscuit, which I ended up not eating. Instead, I sat cross-legged in my car, staring blankly at the passing vehicles for an hour.
I had options. I could have gone back to spend a little more time with them—I still get along with my ex. I could have called my best friend or visited my sister or mom. A pedicure was waiting for me, and a dinner invitation from a high school friend was still on the table. Yet, I chose to wallow in my feelings instead. I was grieving the loss of my old family dynamic, and that moment of sadness felt necessary.
I realized, however, that I had a choice. I could either let my emotions consume me every time I dropped my kids off or embrace this new chapter of my life and rediscover who I am. I opted for the latter. This was my reality now—our reality—and I refused to let it drag me down. More importantly, I wanted my kids to enjoy their time with their dad without worrying about my feelings.
Of course, I still feel sadness sometimes; it’s inevitable. There have been moments when all I wanted was to crawl into bed and stay there. But I’ve learned that I can miss my kids and still enjoy my life when they’re not around. Despite the challenges, this journey has been transformative and healing.
I now make it a point to have dinner with friends weekly, catch up on movies, and indulge in pedicures. I’ve also embraced solitude, doing what I need to make this adjustment bearable for everyone involved. I recognize that until my kids are grown, they will be spending nearly half of their time with their father.
It took time and effort to reach this place. I didn’t magically become a ray of sunshine when my kids weren’t with me, but I was determined to turn my situation into something positive.
Even a year later, I still experience waves of sadness. Some evenings, I have to coax myself out of the house to meet loved ones when all I want is to hide under the covers. But every time I choose to go out, I’m glad I did.
I don’t want my happiness to hinge on my kids’ presence, and they don’t want that either. Children are perceptive; they sense when a parent is struggling. So, when I pick them up, they often ask about my day, and it brings me joy to share that I had a great time but am happy they’re back.
If you’re exploring family-building options, resources like Resolve.org can be incredibly helpful. And if you’re seeking guidance on your own journey, check out this link for expert advice.
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In summary, navigating shared custody can be challenging, but it’s possible to find joy in the time spent apart from your children. By embracing your new reality and seeking fulfillment outside of being a parent, you can create a happier environment for both yourself and your kids.
Keyphrase: shared custody and personal growth
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