Parenting
By Jenna R. Martinez
Updated: Oct. 15, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 1, 2018
After facing an unexpected complication from what was meant to be a routine outpatient surgery, I found myself in a six-week recovery phase, mostly stuck in bed, on the couch, or in a recliner. To put it bluntly, per my doctor’s orders (and due to my inability to move), I was effectively immobilized for weeks.
Initially, the realization that I—the sole person who keeps the household running—would be rendered incapable of doing anything was terrifying. I worried that our home would fall apart in mere hours or even minutes. I handle everything. All. The. Things.
Nobody else in my family seems to grasp the extent of these tasks. They just magically happen—cleaning, cooking, laundry, organizing—none of it truly acknowledged until it doesn’t occur anymore. I cringed at the thought of what would happen when everything was suddenly neglected, with my family of five left to fend for themselves while I lounged around. From my hospital bed, I took another pain pill and hoped for the best.
Surprisingly, life went on. My family managed to step up.
We often think of ourselves as irreplaceable, patting ourselves on the back for juggling all the responsibilities, while simultaneously resenting the lack of assistance. However, I’ve come to wonder if that’s because we don’t let anyone else take over. We cling to our roles, convinced that chaos will ensue the moment we step back.
Let me assure you, it won’t. In fact, when the captain is seasick, the crew often rises to the occasion.
During my recovery, I didn’t grocery shop, yet food appeared in the pantry. It turns out my husband and teens are quite capable of buying groceries—who knew? I didn’t wake up early to make breakfast, yet my kids found their way to the kitchen (thank you, alarm clocks) and whipped up something to eat.
I didn’t pack a single lunch, but miraculously, no child went to school without food. It wasn’t a miracle; it was just kids realizing where the pantry was and figuring out how to stuff Cheez-Its into their lunchboxes. I didn’t sign any permission slips or homework packets, yet they all got signed thanks to the kids’ initiative: “Hey Dad, can you sign this?”
Dinner? I didn’t cook a meal, yet nobody starved. Neighbors brought us food, but my kids also learned to fend for themselves without complaint. Hungry kids are resourceful when the alternative is going without.
Laundry? I didn’t do any, yet everyone had clean clothes. Necessity breeds innovation. “I don’t want to wear dirty underwear to school, so I guess I’ll figure out how to use the washing machine,” they learned, and they did.
Though my kids are teens and capable of handling these tasks, the most significant lesson was not just that they managed everything while I was out of commission. The real victory was me allowing them to take charge. My fatigue meant I couldn’t hover or micromanage; it gave them the chance to show me they could contribute meaningfully to our household.
Ultimately, I discovered that stepping back is vital, not just for my sanity, but for their growth into self-sufficient young adults. Plus, spending six weeks in bed wasn’t too terrible, thanks to Netflix.
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Summary
In this article, Jenna reflects on her month of recovery during which she was unable to perform her usual household duties. Surprisingly, her family managed to adapt and take on responsibilities, showcasing their independence. Jenna realizes that stepping back not only benefits her mental health but also aids her children’s growth into self-sufficient individuals.
Keyphrase: Family independence during recovery
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