By: Emma Collins
Hello, I’m Emma, and I’m a Reformed Caregiver. For far too long, I prioritized everyone else’s needs over my own, convinced that this was a sign of my nobility. I thought being available 24/7 meant I was selfless and that I was sacrificing more than anyone else.
My perspective was so skewed that during a flight safety briefing, when the flight attendant advised us to secure our own oxygen masks before assisting others, I found myself thinking, “How selfish!” I can’t believe I’m admitting this.
In my head, I was doing everything right. But deep down, I was exhausted and filled with resentment. The truth was, I was caring for everyone except myself. Instead of nurturing my own well-being first, which would allow me to give truly without any strings attached, I was attempting to heal others in hopes they would reciprocate. This approach turned my love into a transaction, and a neglected spirit cannot love unconditionally, even if that’s the intent.
This unfulfilled need became an unhealthy obsession. The more I gave to others, the more depleted I became. My spirit was in turmoil, and I continuously awaited someone to take care of me as I had done for so many.
Eventually, bitterness set in. I felt invisible, yet I continued to serve. Surely someone would notice my sacrifices… right? It took me a full 32 years to realize that no one was coming.
One day, while driving home from work, I found myself grumbling about my tireless efforts and how no one else seemed to contribute as much as I did. I was fatigued, thinking about all I had done, which I repeatedly used as proof of my love and sacrifice. Ironically, it was this same list that fueled my anger.
I began to wonder when someone would finally recognize my needs. Then a startling thought hit me: “Emma, no one is going to take care of you. There’s no one coming with chicken soup. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one will.”
Ouch. That realization was painful, forcing me to confront the truth. The message wasn’t about being alone in a harsh world; rather, it was a call to take responsibility for my own well-being. My misguided selflessness was, in fact, a form of selfishness, and that stung.
As a mental health professional, I’ve been trained to understand that I am responsible for my own health, and I strive to model a balanced life where I can say “yes” or “no” based on my own needs. Yet, for years, I allowed my habit of prioritizing others to go unchecked.
That day, I recognized that someone who neglects herself, who continually says “yes” when she means “no,” is trapped by her own unfulfilled desires.
So, to all the Reformed Caregivers out there who find themselves waiting for someone else to tend to their needs, remember to put your oxygen mask on first. It’s impossible to truly care for others without first addressing your own physical, mental, and emotional needs.
As caregivers, the most significant act we can perform is to nurture ourselves first. Yes, you come first. If you find yourself needing support, don’t hesitate to express it. Allow trusted friends, partners, or mentors to assist you, but don’t expect them to read your mind. Take ownership of your well-being because, dear caregiver, no one else will do it for you.
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In summary, it’s vital to remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. Nurturing your own needs allows you to genuinely support others.
Keyphrase: self-care for caregivers
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