A few years ago, I found myself in a state of utter despair when I sought help from a counselor. I had faced challenges before, but nothing could compare to the overwhelming depression that ensued after my five-year-old daughter was diagnosed with PCDH19, a rare and severe form of epilepsy without a cure—and potentially fatal. I was struggling to understand the ramifications of this news for both her and our family.
During my third session, the counselor suggested that I consider “rehoming” her. He believed that my stress stemmed primarily from Alyssa’s condition, and that relinquishing her to another family might alleviate my suffering. I left that session and never returned.
This recommendation alluded to a controversial practice known as rehoming, where adoptive parents sometimes abandon their children due to unforeseen psychological issues or a lack of necessary support services. Unfortunately, this often occurs without any oversight, leading to devastating outcomes for the children involved.
While I’m sure his advice was well-meaning, it was deeply insulting. The notion that I would abandon my child to lessen my own pain was unfathomable. It’s a perspective rooted in the belief that family ties are negotiable, but for me, family is forever, transcending biological connections.
Long before Alyssa joined our family, I would sneak into our empty nursery to pray for my future daughter. I filled it with stories of strong women I admired, hoping to inspire her as she grew. I had a vision of the remarkable person she would become, and I was already her mother long before I held her in my arms.
When Alyssa came home, she was a whirlwind of turmoil. She cried incessantly, lashed out physically, and displayed behavior that was bewildering. Her first therapy session was memorable for all the wrong reasons—she walked in and flipped off her counselor. But despite her struggles, she was still my child.
The first time she had a seizure, I experienced a terror only a mother can understand—the fear of losing your child. I spent countless nights by her hospital bed, praying for her recovery, not out of obligation, but because I believed that every child needs their parent in times of crisis.
Even when our caseworker suggested we might want to consider stepping back, I knew I couldn’t abandon Alyssa. After a year and a half, my husband and I officially adopted her and her younger brother, fully aware of the uncertain path ahead.
What my former therapist failed to grasp was that for our family, adoption is an unbreakable bond. Yes, adopted children can be challenging, and they may force us to reevaluate everything we thought we knew about parenting. But our families need support, not dissolution. When rehoming is seen as an option, it creates a dangerous precedent where children are shuffled between homes rather than receiving the help they desperately need.
When the suggestion to rehome arises, it can lead to rushed placements that are doomed from the outset. Society often treats adopted children as if they are disposable, a sad reality that I refuse to accept. Just as I would never abandon my biological son during tough times, my adopted children are equally irreplaceable. They are mine forever, and suggesting otherwise is deeply offensive.
Months after finalizing our adoption, we received Alyssa’s genetic test results and the sobering prognosis for her epilepsy. Despite the weight of this news, when asked if I regretted our decision, my answer was a resounding no. No matter the trials ahead, she is my daughter.
Each morning, I pause at her bedroom door, praying she is still breathing and that the seizures have not claimed her during the night. It’s a fear that will likely haunt me forever, but I refuse to consider giving up on her because of the challenges we face. I may not know where this journey will take us, but I’m committed to walking it until the very end.
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Summary
This article discusses the deep commitment of adoptive parents, particularly in the face of challenges such as severe medical conditions. It highlights the importance of viewing family ties as permanent, despite difficulties, and critiques the notion of rehoming adopted children as an option. The author shares personal experiences and reflections on motherhood, emphasizing that love and responsibility should prevail over the temptation to abandon children in tough times.
Keyphrase: Rehoming Adopted Children
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