Divorce is rarely a part of anyone’s life plan. How many brides have stood at the altar, gazing at their charming grooms, thinking, “I can’t wait to be the future ex-Mrs. Smith”? How many fathers have looked into the eyes of their newborns in the delivery room and thought, “That’s my son. I can’t wait to toss the football every weekend”? Probably none.
Divorce wasn’t supposed to be in our story or in the narrative of our kids. It derails the picture-perfect family life we once envisioned. After the initial shock of separation fades, divorced parents often find themselves navigating new family dynamics, including the relationship with their ex-spouse. We have to learn how to co-parent and either build new support systems or strengthen the ones we already have. Co-parenting is no small feat.
I’ve experienced phases of successful co-parenting with my ex, so much so that other parents are often surprised to learn we are no longer together. Conversely, I’ve also found myself in heated verbal exchanges with my ex during school events. While there’s no magic formula for effective co-parenting, a solid starting point is to treat your ex with respect and kindness—not romantic love, but a genuine human-to-human connection grounded in the shared experience of raising wonderful children.
How to Achieve This Post-Divorce
The key is to keep things straightforward, begin with small gestures, and always remember that our actions are for the children. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Embrace Acceptance
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” – George Orwell
Before we can forge a healthy co-parenting relationship, we must accept the end of our marriage. This means letting go of blame and resentment. If you’re still caught up in the “what-ifs” of the relationship’s demise, it will hinder your ability to treat your ex with the respect they deserve. Acceptance takes time, so be gentle with yourself. When you reach that point, you’ll feel it—your kids will mention your ex, and instead of bristling, you’ll appreciate the love your children have for them. - Prioritize the Kids Daily
“That was the day she made herself the promise to live more from intention and less from habit.” – Amy Rubin Flett
Make it a daily practice to put your children first and to approach your co-parent with kindness. Create a mantra to remind yourself of this intention. I often tell myself, “Model loving behavior,” as a way to stay focused on being a positive example for my children. - Give Your Ex Compliments
“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold.” – Proverbs 11:27
When your children share stories about their time with your ex, take the opportunity to acknowledge their positive qualities. For example, when my son shared about a fun game his father organized at soccer practice, I said, “Wow, Dad sounds like such a great coach. You’re lucky!” This helps instill a sense of appreciation for their other parent. - Apologize When Necessary
“Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.” – Ezra T. Benson
If you slip up and speak poorly about your ex in front of the kids, own it and apologize. I recently had a moment of frustration over a forgotten soccer uniform and later told my ex in front of the kids, “I’m sorry for losing my patience earlier.” It was important to show my kids that humility and accountability matter more than being right. - Maintain Pre-Divorce Traditions
“Family traditions counter alienation and confusion; they help us define who we are.” – Susan Lieberman
We still celebrate our children’s birthdays together, creating a joyful memory for them and demonstrating the importance of prioritizing family. - Grow from Your Mistakes
“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” – Henry Ford
It’s okay to stumble as a parent. Reflect on your actions daily, recognize where you could improve, and let go of guilt. My daughter recently remarked, “Mom, I feel so lucky that even though you and Dad are divorced, you guys are still friends.” It’s a reassurance that we’ve been doing something right.
Co-parenting post-divorce can be challenging, but it also cultivates resilience and strength. If you ever doubt your efforts, just look into the eyes of your beautiful children—they are your greatest affirmation. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone, and it is undoubtedly worth the effort!
If you enjoyed this piece, feel free to explore our other topics on parenting, including our guide on at-home insemination kits, where you can find more helpful resources, including Cryobaby’s home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo and this excellent resource on donor insemination.
Summary
Learning to appreciate your ex-spouse for the sake of your children can be a transformative journey. Through acceptance, prioritizing the kids, complimenting your ex, apologizing when needed, maintaining traditions, and growing from mistakes, you can create a positive co-parenting environment. Your children will thrive in such an atmosphere, reminding you that the effort is worthwhile.
Keyphrase: Learning to Appreciate My Ex for Our Kids
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]