Dec. 21, 2017
When my eldest child, now 10, was just five, I stumbled upon him at the front door one Sunday morning, fully decked out in his soccer gear—complete with cleats and shin guards. The clock read 6:00 am.
“Why are you all dressed up, sweetheart?” I inquired. “Soccer doesn’t start until 10:00 am!”
With a calm demeanor, he replied, “I don’t want to be rushed.”
I admit it—I’m a terrible morning manager. I rush my kids, and I’m genuinely sorry about it! Despite my best efforts, I just can’t seem to coordinate our mornings in a peaceful, easy-going way. Is there anyone out there, besides Mary Poppins, who can pull this off?
It’s almost as if there’s a secret phenomenon at play. Regardless of how much time we have before school or any morning event—and believe me, there are days when we have hours because my kids are early risers—the last 20-30 minutes always descend into utter chaos. We transition from a serene atmosphere, where coloring books are in use, to a full-blown five-alarm emergency. My heart races, my anxiety spikes, and it’s game on.
With just 20 minutes to go, I start issuing commands. “Finish getting dressed! Grab your shoes and socks! Where’s your saxophone?! You can’t leave the house looking like that! No makeup! Take off that Halloween costume! Hurry to the bathroom! Tie your shoes! Where’s your lovey? What happened to your room? Flush the toilet! I don’t know where your school ID is! Who left slime on the counter? We’ll feed the fish later. MOVE!”
Inevitably, we end up dashing around, grabbing mismatched shoes, jackets, baseball gloves, and library books—colliding with one another like characters in a video game. And just when we think we’re almost ready, someone suddenly needs to use the bathroom again or refill their water bottle.
By the time we finally reach the front door, I’m exhausted. It’s usually at this moment that my wonderful husband strolls in, sporting a relaxed smile and handing me a to-go cup of coffee, complete with a note that reads, “You got this!” But I’m so entrenched in the chaos of mobilizing our little army, in the frantic fear of a tardy slip at school, that I can only manage a weak smile and a quick hug before we dash out. I know. I’m so sorry!
At dinner last night, I caught up with a close friend from LA. She began interrogating me about her own morning struggles.
“How many days a week do you look put together at drop-off?” she asked.
“Maybe one or two,” I replied.
“Days you wear workout clothes?”
“Three or four.”
“Days you actually work out?”
“Maybe one.”
“Days you drop the kids off in something you slept in?”
“About once every two weeks.”
I explained that it could be more often, but with four daily drop-offs in New York, I have to step into all the schools and interact with other parents. By 9:15 am, I’ve greeted at least 50 other frazzled parents, who have also spent their mornings battling the relentless clock. She was shocked.
“Oh my god, I just have to get into my car,” she said. “Unless I’m late, then I have to park and go to the office for a late pass. If I’m wearing pajamas, it’s even worse!”
“How often have you been late this year?” I asked.
She glanced at the ceiling, counting. “Six times.”
“Six?!”
“But only by like two minutes!” she insisted. “Never more than ten! It’s the traffic! What am I doing wrong?”
I helped her work through her morning routine while she sipped her cocktail and lamented being the worst mom. I told her that if she just left a few minutes earlier, she’d be fine!
I’m no authority, but I’ve picked up a few tricks to navigate the morning madness. Unfortunately, these tips do little to alleviate the stress of ensuring everyone gets where they need to be without any marks on their record. It’s a daily challenge!
1. Rise and Shine Early:
On days I need to appear somewhat presentable, I shower as soon as the first child wakes up—sometimes as early as 5:30 am. I commandeer their bathroom, often with them in tow. Putting little ones in the shower with toys keeps them occupied and prevents them from waking their siblings. Note: there are mornings when I’ve found myself stuck in a towel, freezing and wet, but at least I’m clean!
2. Delegate Breakfast:
My husband takes on breakfast duties while I wrangle the kids. (I know, not everyone has this luxury. I thank my lucky stars daily for marrying someone who helps and cooks!) He whips up eggs, pancakes, and sausage. If he can’t, I opt for quick fixes like Life cereal with bananas or instant oatmeal. Boom.
3. Keep Breakfast Simple:
I can no longer handle breakfast drama. “I don’t want this fork! He has more syrup! I hate soft waffles!” Seriously? Enough already. Breakfast should be done at least 30 minutes before we need to leave. Big kids eat first; little ones change clothes afterward.
4. Pack the Night Before:
Ensure school bags are ready the night before—everything from instruments to playdate notes to sports gear should be packed by bedtime.
5. Create False Deadlines:
We aim to be in the elevator by 7:40 am. No exceptions. Yes, the big kids usually finish early, but this system works for us.
6. Medication Helps:
Just saying.
Last week, my younger daughter, who had spent the day with me, looked at me at 3:00 pm and exclaimed, “Mom! Why are you still in your pajamas?” I insisted they were comfy clothes, but she wasn’t impressed. Coming from a tutu-wearing toddler, that’s rich! When you’re a mom, sweetie, wear whatever you want—just don’t be late!
For more tips on navigating parenthood, check out our other blog posts, like this one about artificial insemination kits and this resource on IVF.
Summary:
Mornings can be a whirlwind of chaos for parents, filled with last-minute rushes, missed items, and the struggle to maintain sanity. By implementing strategies like early showers, delegating breakfast duties, and preparing the night before, parents can navigate the hectic morning routine with a bit more ease.
Keyphrase: morning chaos parenting
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]