Please don’t tell me I’m fortunate to have a night off from my child. Of all the things that have irked me in the months since I stepped into the world of single, co-parenting life, this one takes the cake—an uninspired, pity-party cake, at that.
Don’t label my child-free evening as a break. While you might think I’m reveling in a night of peace, I’m actually doing my best to distract myself from the loneliness that awaits me when I return to an empty home. I’m grappling with the realization that for the next 15 years, I’ll be navigating this split-life routine.
Don’t tell me I’m fortunate that co-parenting provides me with built-in babysitting. That “50/50” arrangement? It comes with 50/50 guilt and anxiety. I constantly worry about my little one—what she’s doing, if she went to bed on time, whether she ate dinner and brushed her teeth. It means waking up half the time without her beside me, avoiding the sight of her empty bedroom, and missing the joy of bedtime stories in our cozy blanket fort. It’s those middle-of-the-night moments when I think I hear her crying, only to realize I’m alone that really sting.
Please, don’t say I’m lucky to catch up on sleep on the nights she’s with her dad. What I truly want is my daughter—who I nurtured for nine months and welcomed into the world three years ago—waking me up after a bad dream or with a little cough. I’d much rather have those sleepy morning cuddles and the chaos of breakfast battles than face the stark reality of her empty room.
Don’t claim I’m fortunate that we separated while she’s still young. True, she won’t remember much of this time, but I will. I’ll remember the heartache of handing my child over to someone who dislikes me, for her first overnight away. I’ll remember the void of returning home from an outing to an empty house, missing the warmth of my little one. I’ll recall the struggles of potty training when I had her only half the time, hoping her dad would follow through with the same methods. I’ll remember the longing to say goodnight one last time, just to hear, “I love you to the moon.”
Don’t tell me how lucky I am to run my household my way. Have you tried single-handedly managing a child’s morning routine while preparing for a critical career meeting? Have you ever found a strategy that works for your child, only to see it undone in just one weekend spent with their other parent?
Don’t call me lucky. Like you, I once married someone I adored. I had the grand wedding, the perfect pictures, and I thought we’d build a life together. Just like you, I had a home where my daughter lived with both her parents, and I cherished the moments when I wasn’t alone in the trenches of motherhood. Just like you, I enjoyed date nights and shared the joys and challenges of parenting with my partner.
But now, I’m left with only half of that life. I didn’t end up lucky—I ended up divorced.
Resources for Navigating Co-Parenting
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Summary
It’s crucial to recognize that not every aspect of co-parenting is a blessing. The struggle with guilt, loneliness, and the challenges of navigating a split family life often overshadow any perceived benefits. True understanding comes from empathy, not assumptions of luck.
Keyphrase
The realities of co-parenting after divorce
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